Merry Christmas!

Okay. I know it's a little late for the well wishing of good cheer. I thought some of you might want to know how my holiday was.

Not too much drama. I made it a point to ignore a lot of it; either way it was there. My mother wasn't too bad. My MIL was her typical self. Hubby was sulking. And I? I ran around the majority of the time mumbling under my breath "I hate the fucking holidays". Most that barely heard me stayed away. Good plan of action on my part.

There were two parts of my holiday that I will never forgot from this year.

Being invited to my best friend's house to celebrate Christmas with her and her family. It was very relaxed (except for my son) and down to earth. I had never seen one person bring so many presents (Nana)! I was given a hand made afghan for a king size bed which is not an easy feat. It turned out absolutely gorgeous! I was absolutely floored that someone would spend that much time making something for me. I also got an expensive piece of equipment from Barbarian and her hubby. That absolutely floored me too! I told her that and her response was "I know you wouldn't have gotten the leather coat for me unless you got an awesome deal on it. That's how we felt about your gift. We got a KILLER deal on it!" That made me feel great! I did get a pretty smokin deal on her coat.
Then there was Christmas morning with little man and hubby. Hubby and I decided that we weren't going to exchange presents this year because of the new car. I did not hold up my end of the bargain and purchased a mixed 6 pack of imported beer, fleece lounge pants and a HUGE box of Cheez-its for his Christmas present. It wasn't much but it was a day of comfort for him. I asked him what was wrong when I noticed him pouting. He told me that he didn't get anything from me and that he wished I wouldn't have bought any of it. I told him "You got me a car you idiot! I don't even KNOW anyone this year that was given a VEHICLE for Christmas!" He smiled and I knew he wasn't feeling so bad anymore.

Well folks, there you have it. Issy's holiday season. The upside and lesson to be learned from this Christmas is that nobody was dismembered, no one lost an eye and most importantly, no one contracted a VD from hitting the egg nog one too many times and then sleeping with a drunken stranger. Gotta love the holidays!

Karma

I just tried to upload a card for everyone to see because I fell out of my chair laughing when I opened it. But once again, pain in the ass Google Blogger has told me that they are "so sorry but that they can't complete my request". So I tried a different pic thinking that it may have something to do with the size. No deal. Fuck you Google. I hate you at every turn and soon Karma will kick your ass.

Here's a funny story for you all (speaking of Karma). A while ago the company I work for split and was bought out by some big ass investor. The corporate portion moved about 25 miles away and we stayed put. In the past we would send our mail over for metering as it all fell under one account and made no sense for our office to obtain a postage meter. When the move took place, I fought the broad who was in charge of the move tooth and nail for answers as to what we were to do for our mail. She basically pushed me out if the boat with the hopes that I would drown.

We purchased a scale (for mail wise asses should you snicker and ask!) and I joined a stamp club so that we would receive stamps on a regular basis. Just so you know, the fight that I had with this girl lasted months not to mention the thick layer of animosity that we had for each other.

Well come to find out yesterday that one of my co-workers found out that their postage machine caught on fire! Woo-hoo! Karma sucks doesn't it bitch? Look what God did to you for not giving us options and acting like the cunt you know you are! Ha! I just have visions of that bitch running around with her fat ass trying to catch up with her while flames consume that blasted postage machine. It also ruined some of the wiring and not in just that area.

God I love Karma. It never fails!

His Majesty Arrives

I called my parents home last night. My brother and his wife and their 1.5 year old arrived at the airport last night from Japan. He will be in the states for 3 weeks. Should I get excited? Somewhat but I've already set myself up for the self centered drama to occur long ago.

A brief history if you will:

I was adopted.
My brother was not. He was considered the entity that should have never occurred. Therefore making him the miracle child.

There is an 8 year gap between he and I. Before he was born, I was it! When he came along, I felt pushed aside and not needed anymore. I still feel that way. My mother is to blame for that one.

My brother's needs are catered to at all times. If his bank account gets low, mommy and daddy will put some in. If he needs a car? Mommy and daddy will get one for him. I didn't even go to his wedding because my mom didn't want me there and he was too scared of her to ask me to come. Pussy!

Well now his majesty is in town. How wonderful! What a lucky gal I am! This means that the world has now stopped on its axis. Death and destruction no longer exists. We are all now complete. Why would I be bitter? Because for the next 3 weeks, myself and my family don't exist and are invisible. I will hear excuses as to why my brother doesn't have time to spend with me because he's too busy according to my mother. He has no say so in the matter never mind the fact that he won't grow his own set of balls and stand up to her.

So, this evening I will be going to a wonderful Christmas party with my best friend and then parting ways to venture to my parents house for a fun filled evening of family dysfunctionality.

Bah Humbug Bitches!

Let's Not Make it too Long!

I took some time off of work today to see P off properly. There were only 3 of us; FIL, hubby and myself. We had to be at the cemetary at 8 this morning. The funeral director (which we are on a first name basis with him now) was to be there at 8:15. Prompt as could be, the mustard colored hearse pulled up. I commented to hubby that P was getting ride for the last time in a Caddie. Those were his favorite vehicles. . . lots of class. At least they got that part right.

The funeral director said to my FIL that they had found a watch and a set of glasses with P but didn't put them on him in the casket and did he want the items. FIL said to put them with him in the casket which they did. Come to think of it now, I wonder if they even dressed P nice? I wouldn't put it past them to put his cold, lifeless body in there naked. They purchased the cheapest casket that the funeral home had to offer. Only reason why I'm saying that is because when Steve passed, we had to pick out the casket. Hubby picked it out and it was a real pretty one but it cost quite a bit. I saw the one that P was currently in. It was one of the first ones in line in there "show room". Nothing too good for ol P! He's gone now! What's that old biblical saying "Spare the rod" or something like that?

Hubby and some of the cemetary workers pulled P out of the hearse and placed him above the hole in the ground. The funeral director asked us if more people were coming. No. We didn't even know if the other living grandchild had been contacted about his death. He then asked FIL if he wanted to say a few words on P's behalf. FIL asked if the director could do it but to not make it too long. God forbid. Christ. How much worse could this get? He gave the Irish Blessing along with the the one that starts "The lord is my shepard, I shall not want". I've always loved that passage but it reminds me of death. Then the funeral director started reciting this:

(I can't remember the first part right now as my mind is all mixed up)
"Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive our debts as we forgive our debtors
And lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom
The power
The glory
Forever
Amen"

All of those things need to be said for P.

Hubby told me to look at the skyline. It was beautiful. It was all pink and hazy.

When I looked at him he had one tear running down the right side of his cheek.

What is Happening Now

I came home last night trying to figure out what type of arrangements have been made for P. Hubby was sketchy and frustrated; no doubt because he either knew or felt what was really going on. So I dropped it and decided I would deal with arrangements tomorrow, hence today.

I was leaving for work and I called FIL. I asked what was going on with the funeral. I had been told the night before that there MIGHT be something at the funeral home; there MIGHT be something at the cemetary but nobody was for sure. So I asked this morning. I was told that FIL is meeting the funeral director at the cemetary and they will put P in the ground. No service, no prayer, no other family members, no nothing. I was however invited to go along if I wanted to. I asked if hubby was going and he said he didn't know. I asked if MIL was going and was told no; she would be tied up in meetings today and tomorrow with the law firm. How nice. Even the law firm isn't sending someone out for representation.

Why is this happening? Why is he being hated so much that nobody is being given the opportunity to pay their respects and say goodbye? None of this is right. I don't hate my in laws. I look at them like I looked at P. At one point of time in his life he was a wonderful man and a loving person but he left this world a sick, broken down old man. I think my in laws are just sick people in need of some serious professional help. I hope they can get that so that they may find some absolution.

If Anyone Knows Someone in Blogger, Please Help!

I have wrote two posts and had people tell me that they can't comment. This new beta blogger is the most inconvenient thing I've ever encountered. I don't know who to contact within blogger to alert them to the problem or to Google for that matter. If anyone knows, please let Barbarian know so that I can figure out how to remedy this issue. Otherwise, I'm going to have to shut down shop! Thanks everyone! I miss you guys!

Death Comes in 3's

Ever heard that before? I have and I'm tired of it; mostly because it seems to pertain to me lately.

Last night I came home with our son, settled in by changing my clothes and parking my ass on the sectional. I had been there with hubby for about an hour with the son in the bedroom watching TV when someone started knocking on the door. It was the sister in law from up the hill. Hubby answered the door and was told to go outside. A few moments later they returned back inside the house and hubby offered Sis a beer. She declined. I looked at both of them and asked how she was doing. She said fine and hubby said firmly "Babe, P died".

I had all kinds of old familiar feelings flood over me like a sick, wet blanket. She then told us that mother in law had asked the nursing home to call her if they didn't see P for a few days (P's wife N, lives at the nursing home and he visited just about every day). Well they called. So, MIL and FIL went to P's house to check on him. He had died days earlier. Nobody knows exactly when. This is going to sound strange, but all I could think about was P sitting on the sofa and going to sleep in the dark and not waking up. Nobody there to say good bye to. Laying there for days in silence. No one to make sure he hadn't soiled himself. Nobody to tell him that it's going to be okay. No one to reassure him that he is still loved no matter how crazy he may be.

This whole "alone thing" bothers me. P was as nutty as a fruitcake but he still deserved some sense of respect. He had a mental illness that "got in the way" of other people's every day dealings. While I listened to other people bitch about the inapropriate things that P said and did, I had an opinion forming in the back of my brain. Shuning him and casting him away because of a mental illness is like discrediting someone because they have cancer. They don't ask for that. They don't wake up one morning and say "Hey! I think I'd like to be crazy and make everyone else's life miserable!" It doesn't work that way.

I don't think P DESERVED what happened to him and I am so sad that he had to leave this world knowing that.

How to trap and kill a notorious lard ass!

I started a new diet. So far so good. I've lost 2 pounds! Woo hoo! I have to monitor my diet, exercise, motivate myself. . . . . MOTIVATE MYSELF???????????? I'm sorry but I'm one of the most cynical people I know. Motivating myself is like asking a Native American to kill a buffalo just for the hell of it and walk away. Not happening. What's the point? I need someone or something up in my face saying "Hey lard ass, quit puttin that shit in your mouth!" Or "I just got done with the plans on a sling to get your monsterous butt up out of bed! I think it can hold all of you if you just give it a chance."

Yeah. I've given up. I monitor my diet and there is even room in Issy's diet for beer. Custom made just for moi! Exercise however is a problem. It didn't used to be but now it is.

When I was young (way young) from the time I was about 6 years old, I danced at a studio. I danced for over 10 years, became a rebelious teen and quit. I weighed 110 pounds and was 5'5". I had my first kid when I was 19 and went from 110 to 172. I lost all of the weight that I put on 2 weeks after I had my daughter.

3.5 years ago, I had my son at the tender age of 32 or 31 (I can't remember) and went from 130 to 174 and am now down to 152 (that's with the 2 pounds lost mind you!). So, for 3.5 years, I have been on the dieting roller coster and to be honest with you, I have become nautious. All I am wanting to get down to is 130. That's it. Even getting into the mid to low 40's would be a start.

Hubby met me when I was working for a grocery store as the asst. mgr. of the dairy department. My title was "Dairy Bitch". No joke. But at the time, I was working 2 jobs, going through a divorce, drinking heavily and smoking a lot of cigarettes. I was solid muscle and built which is why hubby supposedly gravitated to me. He told one of my co-workers "I'm gonna tag that ass in 2 weeks, bet me!" Well I wish I could say that it was 2 weeks but it wasn't. Either way, things have gone down hill with Issy's physice' ever since I "settled down". Now that I'm comfortable and have a 3 year old, I just don't have the time, room or energy to pick my legs up. It makes me wonder where I got all of that energy before? Where in the hell did it go? When I was dancing I worked out 6 days a week at 4.5 hours a day. Why can't I work out for 15 minutes a day 3 times a week? WTF?

Being pleasantly plump is not as attractive as it sounds. What I need is a workout buddy and dieting buddy; physically. Anyone would do. You don't even have to be that nice! That would be asking a hell of a lot anyway considering the type of person I am! So if anyone has any tidbits of useful "motivation" to throw my way, I am open.

Melt down

I go through stages of stress. First there's the bitchy stage. I complain about everything. Nothing goes right. I hate everyone. What's next?

Then there's stage 2, letting EVERYONE know about it and throwing a temper tantrum. At this stage I know there are people out to get me and make me miserable. I purposely pick fights with people just to prove a point whether it needs to be proved or not.

Then there's stage 3 - shut down mode. I don't talk to ANYONE. People will ask me a question and I will blatantly ignore them. Figure it's better than biting there head off; that already happened in stage 2.

So I'm sure some of you are asking "Why go through all of that unecesary stress? Why not just put on a happy face and not take life so seriously?" Well for your information, THAT'S NOT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Years and years ago I was diagnosed with an anger disorder. I've only told a few people about it and they have all laughed at me. It hurts to be vulnerable about something like that. I've spent litterally years working on dealing with my anger and how to channel it in more productive directions. An anger disorder is this: a person who displays anger differently from a normal person. Most people get angry and curse and let it go. I tend to go into a rage over stupid piddly shit. I've been known to "snap" without saying anything and just haul off physically without regard for who's in the line of fire. I've had to go through my whole life rationalizing what to or not to get mad about. It's not as easy as it sounds when you have an unidentifiable demon running rampant through your subconcious. I wish I could blame my mother for this but this is something that I have to deal with. I don't have time in my life to point the finger anymore. My mom has her own illnesses that she will never overcome. I'm trying to be the bigger person by recognizing mine and trying to do better.

I don't take medicine for it as it's a lifestyle issue (at least at the time that's how it was explained to me). I've hurt a lot of people in my past because of it. I've broken bones because of it; not meaning to. I've lost relationships because of it. And for the most part, people just plain don't understand it. Frankly, I have a hard time understanding it at times.

I know this isn't a positive post and I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. It's a skeleton in my life that I'm ready to let go of.

Idiots

Okay. . . have to vent.

Part of my slavery duties entail my securing workable blackberry devices and phones. We used to go through Sprint. We had a rep that everyone hated including the fact that the freak would deliver the phones in the dead of winter in his shorts. The operative word being "delivered". Please keep that in the back of your mind people.

Now we have a NEW company that we are dealing with called Cingular. We are on rep 5 now. He sucks the biggest balls that I have ever come accross. Months ago, I had to order blackberrys for 6 people; three of which are project managers so they travel a lot. It took a month and a half for them to get here! Next, I have a coworker whom had been asking for a replacement phone for 6 weeks through some broad who was more interested in playing the ever popular flirty game with him instead of getting the ball rolling. I took over and started making things happen. Not only did it take an exhorbinant amount of time but he got it "confused" with someone else's phone (Vice President of our parent company! Who knew?) and the original coworker was blamed for the debacle.

Now we are in the saga again. I have two coworkers that have specific needs. One needs a phone ported from Sprint to Cingular and the other needs his phone ported to a blackberr that already exists. Sound dificult? Apparently so. I have heard so many excuses. Here is a sampling:

"Oh! I got your issue confused with another issue and closed your issue out as I thought we were done"
"Oh! I spent two days trying to find the right account information. I MUST have tried it a hundred different ways!"

Now mind you that the only way I can get a reaction out of this fool is to lie to him. I have to tell him that I'm in upper management and that I have people making 7 figures and that if they don't have connectivity that the company will loose billions and fall to pieces. Then I have to play the nasty card. "Why aren't are needs being met? This was something that should have been dealt with weeks ago. What is going on?" This individual has failed. . . . miserably. And I ask you this, if he fails at this job, where will he go next? Obviously he can't master something as simple as customer service, what employer would want him if he can't pull off a remedial task of just being proactive?

It's like a bunch of dancing jackasses. Who needs them? Nobody but they sure are fun as hell to watch! Oh and if you see in the news an article on a de-balled Cingular rep, don't write me back!

Living in Hell

Sorry for the delay but Beta sucks major dick! I haven't been able to post for 4 days because they wouldn't send me my pass. I finally just did it on my own.

Anyway. . . we had a MAJOR ice storm on Thursday evening. My chicken ass didn't go into work as I have a 40 minute commute and didn't want to be stranded in the ghetto so I stayed put at the homestead. Hubby and I watched 13 Ghosts (great flick!), the original Carrie and Carrie the Rage (both great flicks as well!) I made bacon and eggs for breakfast along with home made hot chocolate. We had a great day watching the sleet come down and wonder when the ground would be cold enough for it to stick. We went to bed at around 9:30p and all was well with the world.

Until about 10:30p.

I woke up to a loud motor sound and just laid there for a while. Then I heard a loud popping noise. . . ."Oh. . . Grrrrr. . . God Damnit to hell!" What the hell? Don't you people know I'm trying to sleep down here???? Hubby snored softly next to me so that was a good thing. No sense in waking the beast now. BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! Hubby flys out of bed and goes to our door.

"Electric's off"
"Well I figured as much since all's I can hear is that damn generator"
"Well when you get your stuff together, come up to the house"

SLAM!

I was up by then and had heard some other noises not associated with the generator. Didn't know what it was but oh well. . . time to go back to bed.

I didn't sleep very well as I was worried that our son would get too cold and come to bed. That didn't happen and we woke up the next morning to a bright sunny day and bundled up. We tredged up the hill to the in-laws. Torture was ahead but we weren't sure as to what degree the torture would be. This storm was way worse than the storm we endured in July when our power went out. As we went up the hill, we saw whole trees down. We had 3 trees in particular that had so much ice on them that they just laid over and uprooted themselves over our easement. Good thing we had another way out of our property.

We got up to the in law's and already hubby was irritated. It was a bad start right from the get go. While we were up there, I made a full breakfast. I told mother in law (MIL) that if I wasn't around and my son asked for chocolate milk not to give it to him as he had a horrible cough and I didn't want it to get worse. A couple of hours later, my son went into the fridge and saw a pint of chocolate milk and started to cry when he couldn't have it. MIL took it from him and told him it wasn't his and that it was bad and put it back in the fridge. Son cried harder as he didn't understand. So I said "He can have some. . . it won't hurt." She tells me "Oh no! YOU told me he couldn't have any at all." I say "I'm saying that he can have some." "You specifically said no chocolate milk AT ALL". Already it was starting and I had nowhere to hide. Wretched bitch.

Later that evening, MIL suggested that we stay down in their RV so that we could have some privacy. Son would stay there with them so we tredged back down the hill and set up shop. There was some electric running to it so we had lights and heat from a propane tank but no TV. That's okay. We are a creative couple. Instead we grabbed a case of beer, ran to Jack in the Box, got some dinner and called our friend Stumpy. Stumpy met us at our temporary housing and we jumped into his truck.

Now we live in a valley. All of the valley had no power so it was almost pitch black out. The street that we live on is a 2 way street. We headed up one direction to see how bad the damage was. Stumpy drove slow and all of a sudden, ran into a fallen down tree but didn't do any damage to his truck. This was how it was all over the place not to mention all of the downed electrical wires. On our way back, we looked at one of the "mountains" which was caked with snow. All of a sudden, the "mountain" was glowing with a blue and green hue. It was really creepy. As we travelled back to the homestead, we noticed lights on! Yay! No more staying with his evil famiy! By the time we got home, the houses were dark again. A transformer had blown. That's what we saw on the mountain.

We sat out front of the RV and drank some beer and Stumpy headed home. We went in and went to bed. Later on in the middle of the night, it was deathly cold. We drug the down comforter beforehand to put on the bed. Hubby and I rolled from one side to the other just to keep warm. When morning came, we stayed in bed as long as we could as we were freezing. We could see our breath and decided to get up quick and get dressed. The temperature registered under 30 degrees. We went to our home and collected some clothes and headed back up the hill to shower and eat.

When I got up there, I couldn't find hubby. No breakfast, no coffee, no talking. What was going on? I asked MIL where he was and was ignored. I waited and she finally said he was in the shower. A few minutes later he came out all fresh and said "Go take a shower and we'll go get some breakfast". I went in, did my duty and came out and was almost dressed when I realized I needed to call my buddy and let her know what the status was.

While on the phone I heard in another room "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU SON OF A BITCH!" What the hell? I poked my head around the corner and saw hubby standing there and all was well. Seems as though father in law was talking to the dog. I went back in and closed the door to the bathroom. All of a sudden the door flew open and there was my father in law giving me a dirty look. He reached past me and grabbed a hair dryer and stormed out. THAT'S when the fight started.

"Why are you so angry?" (MIL)
"BECAUSE HE DIDN'T CALL ME LAST NIGHT WHEN THE FURNACE WENT OUT"
"DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME YOU OLD BASTARD! IF YOU START A FIGHT, YOU STAY HERE AND FINISH IT LIKE A FUCKING MAN" (Hubby)

Father in law walks outside.

By then, I was out with hubby who was arguing with MIL. Great. I can join this one.

"It's because of Steve. That's why he's so upset" (MIL)
"I don't care about Steve! That doesn't give him the right to talk to people like that mom!"
"Well, he needs counselling"
"YOU ALL NEED COUNSELLING!!!!!!!! IT'S NOT JUST ONE OF YOU, BUT ALL OF YOU NEED HELP!" (Issy)
"We should have never stayed in that RV. We would have been just fine in our house and if we froze to death, oh well"
"Yeah, god forbid we die of hypothermia"
"I haven't done anything wrong" MIL
"Of course you haven't. You never do right?"
MIL started to say something and I interrupted her.
"I don't want to hear anymore bullshit out of anyone right now. Nobody. I'm tired of all of this shit. It's getting really old. Let's go."
"Make sure your daughter in law has a nice warm bed to sleep in tonight mom. We'll just freeze at our house tonight and hopefully die."

We left the house and just drove. Didn't care where but needed to get away.

When we came back we decided to stay at our house for the remainder of the day. Come hell or high water, we were going to bundle up, light some candles and play games and get drunk. We invited Stumpy over and he played too with us. Electric came back on at about 5:30p Saturday night and we had to deal with power surges for a couple of hours before it came on for real to stay.

I did a dance in every room of our home.

Christmas Before Thanksgiving?

I have an issue that I don't think I need help with as hubby is taking care of it on his end. Let me just put it to you this way. . . . the saga continues in the house of fruitcakes.

The little one was taken down south last Wed for Thanksgiving with the crazy ass in-laws. Hubby talks to his parents on like Thursday or Friday. I get a call on Saturday from father in law making sure that the mail gets picked up and asks how the chickens are doing as it is my duty to take care of them while they are away. (I don't mind that part!) Then I hear my little guy whimpering in the background saying "I wanna talk a mommy!" They put him on speaker phone and he starts babbling. . . "Uhn a my Santa, uhn a my toys, uhn a my . . . " In the back ground I can hear my mother in law prompting him to tell me that Santa had come to the RV and set up Christmas there. WHAT THE FUCK??????????????? Oh now what are we supposed to do for Christmas? He's only 3.5 years old! This is the first year that we can have fun with him with Christmas and his parents had to fucking beat us to it!

I go in and quietly ask hubby if he knew about the whole Santa debacle. He said "Oh ya. I heard about it and I'm going to say a few words to them when they get back." Hubby's taking care of it but I'm still hurt. So is he. It's bad enough that we miss our little man terribly but now we have to take a back seat for Christmas! This sucks! This is not the first time that my mother in law has done something underhanded without asking us first in regards to our son. Of course my first instinct is to get revenge as black blood runs deep in my veins and I tend to forget that it's there. But usually things like this remind me that it's a part of me that I can't ignore.

I keep going back to the time when my father in law picked a fight with me and he made the comment "What did we ever do to you?" Christ fucker! Do you have 5 hours?

Why are dike cops such rags?

Saturday I was on my way to Barbarian's house when I notice in my rear view mirror an officer following me. Mind you I had just come from the DMV for transfer of plates. Apparently when we did the sales tax on Wed last week, we overlooked that minor detail. No biggie; I ran up there and paid the additional amount and headed out to see my buddy. The plan was for me to go to her house so that I could borrow a screwdriver to put the new plates on the car.

Now the old plates were still on the new car and new plates were on the passenger seat next to me. I was on a highway that has 5 lanes of traffic so pulling over was a feat in itself. After a mile and a half of the cop on my ass THEN the bitch decides to turn on her lights. Here's the dialog:

"License and insurance"
I hand her both which my insurance is in an envelope with proof of coverage along with the card itself. She looks at the envelope and then at me. . . she wants me to take the shit out of the envelope as there must be a poisonous snake inside.
"Didn't you see me behind you?"
"Yes but I didn't see the lights for over a mile. I didn't know you were pulling me over until I saw the lights"
"Hold on"
The blond headed, pony tail sportin cop goes back to her cruiser. Obviously she is irritated with me.
She comes back
"Why are these plates associated with a Saturn?"
"I just came from the DMV for transfer of plates"
"Where is your paperwork"
I hand her the pink slip of paper from the DMV
"Is this it?"
I show her the plates
"I have these"
"Why didn't you put them on the car at the License office?"
More irritation
"Because I didn't have a screw driver. . . did you want me to put them in my window so you could see?"
"NO"
Even more irritation
She leaves and comes back; each time taking more information from me and keeping it in the car.
"What other paperwork did you receive from the DMV? I need to see it. What you've given to me tells me nothing. Do you have your inspection papers?"
Now is when I'm getting pissed as this is a NEW car and I have the fucking plates on the seat. Don't I have to have the inspection docs to get the plates and tags in the first place?
"I DON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT WITH ME. IT IS IN A FOLDER AT MY HOME. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CALL MY HUSBAND AND HAVE HIM COME UP HERE WITH THE APPROPRIATE PAPERWORK"
"No"
Geez bitch!
At this point I am shaking all over from being worried that she's going to arrest me for not having the right papers with me. I just knew she thought I was stealing a car.
She comes back and tells me this. . .
"Here. You do know that I could write you a ticket for failure to display plates properly but I will give you a warning this time. Drive safe and put your seat belt on"
I put my seat belt on and drive over to Barbarian's.

Barbarian pointed out something very obvious. Someone must be pissed that they had to work on Thanksgiving, the following Friday and Saturday. I think she was pissy because her dike girlfriend and her got into a tiff and she wasn't able to spoon her ass the night before. Fricking dikes. . . sometimes they're worse than a pissy straight man!

Shopping on line . . . . sorry boys!

Okay, best friend sent me a link for 30% off for one day on a company that I have been eyeballing for over a month now. I can't afford the outfit alone and now am able to get it because of the sale. Now my shopping sonar is a bit demented and my reasoning to buy an item is a mind fuck in itself. However let me explain my theory to you:

If I see something that is $130, I won't buy it as it's not on sale. But, if I get a specific amount off of that particular item, I see an allowance of the difference. Meaning, "Oh! Since I saved so much, I now can afford to get that thing in addition to my item of savings!" Eventually, my total will be more than the exampled $130 but I have talked myself into justification.

For example:

I went to the same site today and found that I could save 15%. I picked some items and it totalled roughly $180. With my discount though it dropped to roughly $150-$160. I submitted the order and looked at another email. Wow! Free shipping with my next order! Call up the company and am told I need to wait a few hours for processing before they can apply the free shipping incentive. Wait and look at another email about joining a bonus club. An additional 10% off all purchases year round with 8 options all year to use 20% off entire purchase! Woo-hoo! Call back to the company. . . .now my total with the shipping deleted, with my 15% discount, with my additional discount of 10% is a little over $100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also:

Sealed the deal on best friends X-mas purchase yesterday. I can't really tell you the specifics of the discount or the item as she reads my posts but let me just tell you I got a smokin deal! It even bypasses the previous deal that I received!

My advise to one and all in cyberspace, shop online this year for the holidays. Companies are offering discounts out the wazoo and close to 80% are offering free shipping. The consumer is making out like a bandit this year! I should know, I got sucked into it within a 48 hour period of time! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Let's talk turkey

Let me explain to you the logistics of our Thanksgiving arrangements in Issy's home. In the past, Steve cooked the food up at the in law's house. We would go up there and eat, come back home and I would travel to my parents house without hubby as he can't stand my family. He would sit at home for a few and then go to his close friend's house to have food there and they would come back to our house for a night of drunkenness. I would come home and all was well.

This year however, the in law's will be taking the little one to Branson. Sister in law will be leaving on Saturday to go to her parents house; why she isn't going on Thursday, I do not know. I will be going to my parents as usual and hubby will be all alone at the house for Thanksgiving. He is looking totally forward to it. He is wanting to spend some quality time alone, playing a video game and snacking and drinking. . . . alone. I told him (as I have every year) that he is invited to go with us. He says "thank you" but he will pass.

Try to follow here. . .

Sister in law comes down on Saturday this past weekend. Hubby is out with the new car probably trolling for pussy no doubt. I tell her to stay so that maybe she'll say or do something that would explain her awkward and disturbing behavior. She sits with me and says "Guess what Mom said to me the other day?" I haven't a clue. . . what? "Well with you being gone and them going to Branson, I should cook a turkey for your hubby! Can you believe that?" On the outside I just stare at here like I can't believe you are telling me this. On the inside I'm saying "You cook a damn turkey for my man and that bird will be shoved so far up your ass, you won't have to eat for a week!" I still didn't know what to say to her. I knew that as soon as I saw hubby I would tell him.

The next day, I tell hubby what was said and what type of dog and pony show we are going to have to be privy to. He gets irate and I don't blame him. His boss sends us a turkey every year. We usually cook it sometime in between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We invite all of our friends over for our own pseudo "Thanksgiving/Turkey Dinner" to share how much our friends mean to us. Knowing that he thought sister in law was going to be moving in on my territory, wasn't going to fly with him and I was glad for it.

Well, Thanksgiving is only a few days away and I'm just going to sit back and see how many people can fuck up the holidays. I know I won't be one of them!

What a Week!

I signed up for the beta version of blogger and what a mistake! I thought it was supposed to make life easier, not the other way around!

Anyway. . . I got the car! Pictures to follow in the next week. It is wonderful! I told hubby the other night that it tells me how long I have before I have to put gas in it. It basically does just about everything for me! I told him that if I would have originally had a car that spent more time with me and taking care of me and talking to me, I would have taken better care of it.

I also drive better with this car. I have been driving like a grandma but don't care. I know what my car can do. I smoked a mustang the other night just in second. I have a friend that has a vette and he told me before I bought the Charger that he didn't have to prove anything with his car because he knows and everyone else on the road knows what it can do. I understand what he's talking about now because I have the same feeling (not that I'm comparing my car to the almighty Corvette).

It has so many buttons! It can plan a trip for me, it can cruise (took 3 days to find that feature and figure out how to manipulate it). Hubby and I popped a DVD in the player the first night we had it home and it was BETTER than seeing it in the movies! The screen is high def and there is a surround sound system built into the car. The seats are even bigger than at the movie theatre!

The first night that I brought it home, we stopped at a gas station so hubby could get gas in the truck. I pulled up to the pump and looked for 5 minutes for the gas release on the interior of the car. He was 2 pumps away and I hollered at him "Where's the gas thing on this? I can't find it!" Mortified was the look I would use to describe on hubby's face. "This is a pre-pay pump. Let's get closer to home and fill up there". He was so embarrassed that I sounded so female in the middle of a busy gas station! We reached the other gas station and I ran in to get beer. When I came back out, hubby had the manual in his hand while he was in the front seat no doubt looking for directions on how to put gas into the new addition. Finally, he pushes on the door and it pops open! Boy did I feel like an absolute idiot! We filled up and drove home.

All week I have been enjoying the hell out of this car. Tonight I'm going to my best friend's house to go out in style and can't wait for her to see in and take her out in it! Watch out boys, Mama really does have a bigger nut sack than the rest of ya all!

Whew. . . I've been a busy girl!

Wow have I been getting my ducks in a row! I went wine tasting with my best friend on Friday night, dropped off some paperwork to the dealership, cleaned out the storage room on Saturday, got my meds on that day too, stopped by the fire department to get a burn permit, came home to make chili for guests, drank myself into a stupor, woke up on Sunday with a wretched hangover, drove far to get my daughter and take her out shopping, went to my grandma's for dinner for my birthday, went to work Monday, left early to get check, broke down in shitty neighborhood, co-worker picks me up and drives me far again, hubby picks me up at far place, best friend picks up keys to turn off flashers, go pick up the boy, drop him off, drive to the dealership to sign papers and check, hubby drives me to work this morning with the hopes of best friend's hubby picking me up this evening, called dealership about when to pick up car, not ready because of bank, call junk yard to make appointment to pick up said piece of shit, eating nuts, passed out X-mas cards in office. . . . waiting. . . .waiting. . . . waiting.

I hate to fricking wait. I also hate depending on other people; I always have. My co-worker said to me last night "One of the hardest things I have to ever do is just ask for help." I hate it though. I feel like I owe all the trouble people had to go through just to ensure that I'm taken care of. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside that there are a small handful of people out there that would scrape me up off the shoulder of the road with a large snow shovel, but it still doesn't dismiss the feeling of guilt I have inside.

So here I sit, typing, waiting, worrying. . .what obnoxious feeling could possibly come next?

Vino! Here we come!

I think we have it covered that I'm getting a new car and am ecstatic about it. So is hubby. However, jealousy is such an ugly trait to possess. I called my evil mother yesterday and broke down and told her what I was getting. Much to my surprise her response was "If both of your are financially able to make this step then good for you!" I about fell out of my chair! Who is the person speaking to me? Can't be my mother.

I came home last night after securing a deposit to take the car off of the market. Hubby tells me that he's talked to his parents and asks that I not get upset. Fuck! What the hell now? He tells me that he went up to their house and told them that we were "looking". . . somewhat of a lie but who cares? It's not their business! He told them we were looking at a Charger. His mother exclaims "That's way too much car for both of you!" Sis says "You know M, when S was alive he always wondered when you were going to pay mom and dad back. I think you ought to pay them first before you go out and buy her a new car." I fucking went through the roof! Here is a bit of what I told hubby:

"Your mom is if fucking hypocrite! This morning she handed me a newspaper and said 'Look, here's an ad for a 2007 Pontiac. You should be able to afford that!' Now she's telling you that all we can afford is a used car? Fuck that bitch! And as far as Sis is concerned, I don't want that fucking cunt in my house EVER. I have no use for her at all. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

He told me to calm down. How could I when jealously was running rampant in my life right now? Everyone else that BOTH of us know is so happy for BOTH of us. I then told hubby this:

"Do you know why your mom is acting this way? She's jealous. I've known for a long time that your dad will never allow her to have something nicer than what he has. She's admitted it and I can see it. It's not my problem that he won't treat her with dignity and respect and get her a car that works! I didn't marry the fucking weasel, she did".

So after the whole debacle, I called Barbarian this morning and told her I was really looking forward to this evening. We haven't been out wine tasting in a long time and I miss it; a lot. It's the one thing that we can do together to either drown our sorrows or celebrate some great event. I am going to kill two birds with one stone on this one. Drowning for my disfunctional family and celebration for the new car and a lasting relationship with my best friend. Vino my friend, here we come!

Sorry, I have to get this off my chest

This is bugging the shit out of me. Sorry that I have to subject you all to it. I have a crappy car. That's just the way it goes. I have always had mediocre to less than poor quality vehicles. I am at a point in my career and hubby's career to afford a car of my dreams. Most of you know that over the weekend that I basically blew up the engine. Last night we went car shopping.

Now let me back up a bit. Have you ever had someone try to pull you down when you are in the midst of your excitement? I have one of those here at the office. We will call him "Toup" due to the weave he has on the top of his middle-aged balding head. I told some friends at the beginning of the week that I had talked to a couple of dealerships and obtained some information on the dream car. I was told this and that about some of the specs on the car. Toup butts in and tells me "they'll tell you anything Issy. Their car salesmen".

The car that I'm in the market to buy is an 06 black charger with 5.7 liter hemi engine in it. I found out more not only from the website but also from some other people that I know who knows a lot about cars like let's say my fucking mechanic! One of the things I was concerned about was the gas mileage. It's an 8 cylinder and I drive 64 miles round trip everyday. I was told and read that when driving on the highway that it drops from an 8 cylinder to a 4. It is balanced weight wise to ensure the maximum stability possible. (Used other words and understand the logic but don't remember the words.)

My bitch and gripe is that Toup always talks down to people. Now when it comes to work I get it. But when it comes to my personal life

A. I didn't invite you into my conversation
B. It's none of your damn business
C. I don't need you trying to make me feel like an stupid woman who doesn't know anything. That's what my ex-husband is for
D. Worry about being natural and ditch the rug fucker. We are all laughing about you behind your back

Sorry, I had to throw D in there out of rage.

Anyway, we find out the specs on the car and on the financing. I am absolutely ecstatic and am not going to let some prick ruin my elation!

1988

I came across an old diary about a month ago and have been reading it off and on. This particular entry was what I wrote during a flashback when I was in between houses and didn't know what was going to happen to me:

"I see two red eyes and long permed hair. I see nothing but insanity and black. I can't look into the mirror without being scared of what I see. Now I see nothing. My hands and whole body is shaking. Now I see myself taking lots of pills and dying. Now I see people having orgies without a purpose. My heart is going too fast and it's about to leave my body. My dog is dead. My cousin has died. I'm dead. People around me are dead. I feel so empty inside. I cry for no reason and I must be possessed. Im breathing too fast. This isn't me but I don't know who this is. Please tell me who you are and then leave me. I'm insane and out of control. I'm scared for myself but help has come too late. I walk around and don't know where I'm going. I guess I really am dead."

December 7, 1988

"I Told You So!"

Well it appears as though old Issy wasn't far off when it came to her sister in law. Seems as though old girl can't handle her liquor. Let me recap as I gloat:

Friday night we had friends over. Stumpy first showed up and then Sis. Sis was okay until she started power drinking. Since I'm a daily alcoholic (hubby and I have upgraded to a 30 pack a day instead of the 12. . . too many fights were breaking out) I have no problems with consumption. It's when I mix that I have issues but that's besides the point. Sis started saying things that didn't make sense and she was constantly winking at hubby and blatantly flirting with anything that had a dick between it's legs.

We have a large leather sectional with two recliners built in and a sleeper sofa. As soon sis got there, she was almost sitting on top of hubby. I didn't say anything and let it ride. Hubby mentioned it on Sunday and remarked at how repulsed he was. The flirting thing grossed him out. "I don't want that fucking cunt in my house anymore. She's too fucking weird." That was one of many colorful comments by hubby.

Since non smoking sis likes to smoke now, I thought Friday would be a prime time to introduce sis to cigars. Want to act like a big girl then you need to learn how to smoke like one. The next morning, she didn't know she had smoked a cigar with me and denied it. "I would have never done that!" she exclaimed. Guess what bitch, ya did. I even had an extra one that I stuck under her nose and said "Remember that scent?" She remembered it but didn't believe she smoked it. I remember because she tried to ash the damn thing and broke the cherry off and it landed on our new coffee table! Arrrrgh!

Anyway, hubby told her the following day that we need time to ourselves. It was very awkward and uncomfortable but she finally took the hint and left.

"How much nicer could I possibly have been?" Considering the situation, I think he could have been a little more rude.

Some have it way worse than others

Over the weekend I had to work. It's a quarterly thing so I don't mind it. It's easy dough and I get an extra day on my paycheck. I was tooting my way in on Saturday and had the stereo really loud when I noticed my "service engine soon" flashing. Turned down the tunes only to find that my engine was seizing up so I cut over 5 lanes of traffic and put the hazards on. I called my co-worker whom I was to work for and told him not to expect me and that I was sorry. Later I was yelled at (rightfully speaking) by hubby and felt awful all day like a dog that had piddled on the carpet. Saturday night my best friend's husband called and offered one of their vehicles. I was so appreciative and don't think I showed them how much it meant to me that they would help me out like that. She came down on Sunday and we made almost a day of it. It was great.

Today however, my plight pales in comparison to what happened on Saturday. The accountant that we both work with whom has been with the company for 27 years could not make it on Saturday due to her husband HAVING A HEART ATTACK AT AGE 45 AND PASSING AWAY! I know this woman personally and found out this morning that they were not legally married! Awful!

Next I found out from my co-worker that the sale was done and everyone was in the parking lot getting ready to leave when he heard a series of 6 gun shots going off. It was the convenience store across the street with 2 victims involved. My thoughts to this was "what would have happened had they just decided to cross the street and pick our office?" It was really scary to me.

So after hearing every freak thing that happened this weekend, I know that there are others out there that have it way worse than the rest of us.

Cocaine and driving just don't mix. . . .

Look at this. This is such a sad story.

I was almost asleep in bed last night with the news on when I heard a familiar name. I cracked an eye to see the portrait of the wife that belonged to that name. I was fully awake and sitting up when the story was over and on to the next tragedy that was local.

This family was my ex-husband's best friend. Her husband was the best man at our wedding. My daughter knew the oldest one that had died so it was overwhelming for me to put things into perspective. I can't imagine losing not only one but both of my kids.

Part of me wants to print out this story and send it to my mother in law and say "See? Some people have it worse than you and they are handling it much better than you are!" She won't get it though. . . that's the sad part.

I spoke with my grandmother about this story and told her how the wife had asked the husband if he forgave the assailant. I told her I didn't know how they could do it. I would never forgive someone for taking my children's lives no matter if it was on purpose or not.

T-Funk

This is a picture of our wonderful friend T. I was going through some stuff and found a pic of him. T is now dating a woman that is different from the norm that he is usually accustomed to. First of all, she's not in high school or junior high for that matter. She is more of a "woman" so to speak. My best friend and I can't stand her.

T-funk is exactly as his name implies. . . .funky to say the least. Plus he has these freakishly weird feet that could be put at a sideshow's main attraction.

Sorry folks, I had to share what comes out of my neck of the woods and what I associate with.

Being 7

"Why in the hell didn't you turn that in?"
"I don't know."
"Is that the only excuse you have?"
"I guess."

WHAM!

The large hard backed book came smashing down on my head. I was new at this school thing and I had checked out a book at the school's library. I always liked to tell jokes and be the life of the party even at a young age. I picked out a HUGE book about jokes and forgot to return it back to the librarian.

Mom was pissed. . . really pissed.

The blow was so hard that it broke the binding of the book. I started sobbing.

"Maybe that will help you remember to turn it in tomorrow."
"But it's broken."
"Then you better come up with a good excuse. If you would've turned it in on time like you were supposed to, that wouldn't have happened."

She turned and walked down the hall. Halfway down, I was kneeling next to my toybox. I said quietly "You dummy." It sounded like a heard of cattle rampaging back to get me. Before I had a chance to completely turn around, the hand came out like a venomous viper and took what seemed to be the first two layers of skin off of my face. Between my head pounding, my eyes stinging with tears and the heat of the growing handprint on my face was almost unbearable.

Even to this day I can remember how my bedroom was set up, I remember what the book looked like before and after and I remember the glint in my mother's eye.

Last Year's 4th of July

I had never felt such awful, gut wrenching pain in my life. I've given birth to 2 children and going through labor for 18 to 22 hours was a walk in the park compared to this.

Just before our vacation to the lake, I had my tubes tied. Yay! A whole week of screwing without any worries. Until July 3rd.

Hubby and I went to the lake to spend time on our boat and with each other. The lake had a fireworks show on the third so we made our way halfway out to the middle of the lake. I had half a bottle of wine, the show was being wrapped up and we made our way back to the dock where our slip was. We pulled in and tied off the boat. I then started unloading the boat and made my most critical first mistake. I didn't ground myself before jumping from boat to dock. I had both hands full and all of the boats started coming in at once creating an awful wake.

As soon as I jumped, boat went one way and I didn't jump far enough. I landed half on and half off of the dock with the boat swinging back towards me as my body started going in the water. The pain was indescribable. A hand came up from the water and pushed me back up on the dock. It was hubby. He saw what happened and jumped in the water, loosing his keys in the process.

I laid on the dock screaming. I had a death grip on my towels and bottle of empty wine. People came over and asked if I needed help. Duh jack-ass! A woman put a frozen bottle of water on my back and helped me to the truck. I couldn't stand up straight and could barely breath. Hubby was pissed. We had just got down to the lake and I already was screwing up our plans. Our whole week long vacation was ruined. We made it to our cabin and I took a couple of Darvacet. The pills helped me go to sleep but after a couple of hours, I woke up vomiting. I threw up at least 4 times and each time it was excruciating. I hardly got any sleep.

The next morning, I told hubby I needed to go to the emergency room. We drove there and found out that I had 3 broken ribs. They gave me percocet and told me to monitor my breathing so that my lungs wouldn't fill up. They also told me not to bind my ribs and soak in a warm to hot tub of water. Luckily we had a hot tub right outside our cabin and the next day I made my way to the tub. It was 93 degrees. I didn't take any water with me which I should have done. I started to feel funny and climbed out of the tub and sat on the utility box next to it. I woke up looking at a few pairs of sandals laying on my side. Apparently I had passed out and fell off the box. People were asking me where I was staying so that someone could help me. Hubby was summoned and I was forbidden to ever go there again on my own.

We made it through the week and headed back home. When we got there, I sat in our hot tub. Ah it felt great! Except for the now unbearable burning when I peed. I went to the doctor for a second time. The first was when I got back into town and they found out that I had pneumonia. When I went the second time, they found out that I had a bladder infection as well. The pneumonia cleared up and the infection took over. After the bladder infection was cleared up, I had to go back. This time I had a different doctor as I was getting irritated that I was contiually sick. I finally had to go in for a chest x-ray to make sure that I didn't have a collapsed lung. Still had pneumonia, no collapsed lung and oodles and oodles of pills to take. My menu for meds was as follows:

• 2 percocet in the morning
• 2 percocet in the afternoon
• 2 percocet at night
• 1 antibiotic at night
• 6 muscle relaxers to go with each dose of percocets

Clearly you can see that my driving abilities would be impared but I became immuned to the side effects of drowsiness. It took a total of 6 weeks for my ribs to heal. We went on a week long trip this past summer at the same time and I told all of my associates "Please pray that I don't break my ribs again this year!"

DRIVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is another bitchy post about the drivers in St. Louis; although, this one happens to be sweet revenge.

I'm driving on a road that has intersection lights every mile to half a mile. I was on my way to work and in a very bitchy mood. Aunt flow came to visit me just as we were coming into the driveway this past Sunday afternoon. Today, unfortunately, was not a good day for a stranger to be inconsiderate in my book.

I was 3 lights away from my intersection to get me onto the main highway that I take to get into work. Low and behold, there is a white blazer and a large red truck side by side. Both roll their windows down, make cute little hand gestures, blah blah blah, blah blah blah. Light turns green and I wait, and wait and wait and wait for the damn fools to realize that green means go. I did not honk at them. I was a patient good little girl for once.

We reach the second light and the same thing happens again. Blah blah blah. This time when the light turned green I LAYYYYYYYYYYYYYD on the horn. Finally the white blazer pulls forward and I am next to the red truck now. It's some old fucking coger who is appalled when I mouth the word "cock-sucker" to him.

By the third light I was pissed beyond all recognition. The white car veers off into the left lane and I make an attempt to move forward into the lane I've been traveling which would put me between both men and put an end to all of this petty, feminine bullshit. All of a sudden said jackass veers back into my lane and we reach the light. They rolled their windows down again and that's when I made a total ass out of myself. I turned my obnoxiously loud stereo down and rolled all my windows down. I then screamed at the top of my lungs "MOVE YOUR COCK SUCKING FAGGOT ASS OUT OF MY MOTHER FUCKING WAY!!!!!!!!" Light turned green and white car got onto the highway and red truck pulled forward away from us.

As we traveled down the ramp I floored it and cut in front of the blazer and made my way to the passing lane. Oh by the way. . . when I passed the blazer, I flipped him off; just made me feel a lot better. The blazer freak was mad at this point and was up my ass and on fire. I threw my seat belt on as all I could see in my rear view mirror was grill and I laid on the break. Nothing. He was ready to run over my car.

Well as fate would have it we were approaching a hill. Low and behold in the lane next to me was a 53 footer (semi) and as most of you know, most semis slow down when going up a hill. I pulled up to the cab of the semi and rolled down my sun roof. I waved and smiled and blew kisses to the driver. The speed limit was 65 to 70mph and I was doing 50. I thought to myself "See? How does it feel when it's blatantly obvious that all you care about is you and nobody else?"

The poor truck driver was confused but seemed happy in a quirky way. The blazer finally got the picture and backed off. I sped away and left a string of cars pissed at the blazer for holding up commute.

And the Verdict is in!

Many of you know that my brother in law died in August. We have been waiting ever since then to get the toxicology report in. Most people don't understand that when you die suddenly at the age of 27 that there is cause for question. We had an autopsy done with just an arrow pointing to an enlarged liver which required it to be extracted and further testing done on it. This has also held up the release of the death certificate so that they could put cause of death on it.

Until just this past weekend.

Before I go any further, let me explain to you that when S died, my nutty mother in law told me this: "We all know how much S drank. Let's not ruin his memory with something like that. I don't people to know him for drinking."

Moving forward. S died of major cirrhosis of the liver; one which was 2 times the size of an adult's liver should be. This was also fueled by alcohol disease which pretty much seals the verdict that the boy basically drowned to death at an early age of alcohol. The individual that did the testing had said that any doctor could have just LOOKED at him (being jaundiced and all I can see how one would over-look that) and known that he had some form of cirrhosis. Sister in law said that she wasn't surprised as S had been a heavy drinker from the age of 17 on.

This morning, hubby had to go up to his parents house briefly. He then came back a few moments later and says this: "Get a load of what mom said to me just now. 'Now M, I know that Sis said something to you last night but we have all noticed that your stomach is getting bigger.' I just told her that I was only going to say this once, but there is a big difference between drinking something that is 5% vs. 80 proof. To which she said nothing." I told him they better not come down and start telling me how to live my life. Has it occurred to anyone that maybe I drink to have to keep from dealing with the reality that my inlaws are sick fucks? Maybe I drink just to forget the shitty day I had at work? Maybe I just drink because I'm a massive alcoholic? Either way I go, my birth mother died of METASTATIC LUNG CANCER TO BRAIN CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My mother downed Crown on the rocks on a regular basis. She weighed under 100 pounds and could drink my ass under the table. It was her smoking that killed her; not her massive consumption of alcohol.

I am very glad that this has finally come out. It has put a lot of closure in place for our family which is greatly needed. Unfortunately Mom has stuffed one too many skeletons in her closet and there just isn't room in there for this one. I don't ever think she will be strong enough to be honest about the death of her son.

Another Crazy Dream

Last night I had a dream where it ran into an additional dream. Here is what happened:

First dream:
I was with a group of people like a village and I saw death approach the people. He was headed for me and I panicked and thought there would be no hope for me. One of the people said "He approached me and look at me! I'm fine!" Another person confirmed that the person had beat the hell out of death and death let her be. So death came to me and I willingly went. When nobody was looking, I hit him about the face and arms with a soup ladle. He looked at me and said "The last person who did that did not get far. You are here to pass a test. You must make wise choices that are selfless. If you can do that, you will be fine."

I went with him and did many things that I can't remember. I had to do another thing and I knew it was a selfless act having to do with another person and it felt right.

Second dream:
I was still at the village but death turned into hubby. I found out that he moved us to a different state altogether that was far away from where we live currently which was the village that I kept seeing. Next thing I know, things keep vanishing. First hubby is scarce and he has told me that he has a new job. I look for his clothes, they are all gone. Next his stereo is gone along with his truck. That is the true sign that he has left me. I start to cry uncontrollably. I run all over the village looking for him. I try calling him on his cell but it's been disconnected. I then run back to the house to find that my in laws are living there and no child to be found anywhere. I panicked and started crying again. I told them "Where could he be? Where is the baby? I am so lost without both of them." They reassured me that I was lost without them and told me to start rebuilding my life and get on without them.

Then I woke up and quickly rolled over to hubby to press my exhausted body next to his while he lay sleeping. It was one of the most comforting time that I've had in a while.

Today Feels Like Monday

When I came in today, I made the comment to not only myself but to many others (including strangers) that I had the feeling that today wasn't going to be all that it was supposed to be cracked up to be.

Should have found some wood or a horny man's crotch to knock on.

First of all one of my co-workers called from Florida. He wanted the number to our IS department. I told him that it was 888-blah blah blah, blah blah blah. Meaning that this phone number actually spelled out a cute word. He then asked me to actually give him the number. My smart ass replied "What the hell kind of phone do you have that doesn't have numbers with corresponding letters on it?" He told me he had a blackberry. Whooptie fucking doo! So I spent 5 minutes finding the number for him and spent an additional 3 minutes reiterating it back to him.

Next, I had to correspond with the unholy bitch whom works for our corporate office and controls all of the corporate cards. I asked her a simple question such as "Who do I go to when you are not there? Do you have a backup person for the cards?" You would have thought I drove the 26 miles just to personally shove my stiletto boot right up her incredibly thick ass. She thought I was questioning her job abilities and then took a character punch against me. The thing that makes me the most mad about this broad is that she hasn't even been with the company for 6 months. I on the other hand have been here for 6 years. You would think I had retained some information in that time but apparently to her I have not.

Oh well! Tomorrow is a new day and am looking forward to it! Seems as though someone in the company took pity on my situation and we are going to lunch at a 5 star restaurant tomorrow!

HAPPY EARLY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!

A little family history. . .

After seeing what I've wrote in the past, a little clarification seems in order. Here is a brief overview of the Fam:

• Hubby had 2 brothers. Hubby is the youngest.
• First and oldest one is M. M was 4 years older than I am.
• Second brother is Steve. He is 2 years older than hubby.
• First brother shot himself in the head when he was 27. Hubby was just 13 at the time.
• First brother had a wife and divorced well before he shot himself.
• Second brother died in August of liver failure at the age of 27 as well. Hubby is now 25 years old.
• Second brother was married at the time of his death and said widow has no where to turn.
• Second brother had the following before he died:
• A new home that was being built 35 minutes away from our home
• A brand new truck that had a powerstroke in it with an extended bed and cab - $50K
• 2 student loans; one for him and one for sis in law
• An RV
• 2 additional cars
• A 4-Wheeler

After second brother died, sister in law was left with loans, loans and more loans not to mention the cost of all the extras that a death leaves behind.

Hope this helps.

Siskel and Ebert strike again!

Okay. Who has seen Saw II? I just enrolled in Netflix and picked my movies. First one was Constantine. That was way more than what I had expected! I was thourouly entertained by that one. Next one was Saw II. I saw the first one and sawing off at the ankle freaked me out.

Not so much as the second one though.

The second one made the first look like child's play. Like there were some "epiphanies" when making the first. There were more people involved and they weren't confined to just one room. They had a whole house to explore! I thought about that, being the horror buff that I am, and have come to the conclusion that I think it would be exciting to find out "what comes next". I know that sounds sick and demented but every scary thing that you have never thought about was present in this movie.

Before I saw this movie, my best friend told me there was a scene in the movie that gave her nightmares. I was eager to find out what that was as I was watching the movie. One scene would pop up and I just knew it was that one. Then 10 minutes would pass and an even worse scenario would follow, leaving me confused as to "how much worse can this get?"

My housekeeping gal here at the office told me that Saw II and I made her laugh. What the hell is this bitch made out of? I found nothing funny in either of those movies. What is she a nut case and has similar situations happen in her world? If that's the case then she has no business taking out my trash and making sure that I have enough squares to spare when I drop the bomb!

Now if any of you have had the great pleasure of seeing Hostel, then THAT'S a funny movie. It had a great plot but way too much comedy for a horror flick. Best friend and I had girl's night and we watched this movie. We spent more time laughing than being scared. Oh now don't get me wrong. There were some funny parts. But for the most part we were sitting on the edge of our seat saying "when are we going to get scared?"

With my birthday being only 3 days before Halloween, I have always favored this time of year. I like being scared. I like the feeling that gruesome, terrible things have been thought up by other people and that I'm not the only one with a sick, demented mind.

For all of you with an expansive imagination, thanks for sharing with the rest of us that appreciate it!

I am in a quandary

I wrote two posts back that my sister in law was a threat to me and that I didn't trust her intentions. With the support of good friends and advise, that foggy cloud has diminished and I felt a sense of overreaction on my part.

Until this weekend.

I left from work on Friday and didn't return until Monday evening. I spoke with hubby on Sunday night to let him know what time we were leaving the next morning so that he would know when to expect me. His words were this "Don't you EVER leave me alone with THOSE women again!" Who? Well he was referring to my mother in law and sister in law. I told him "I have had to spend plenty of time with your mom and didn't particularly care for it much but I sucked it up and did it anyway!" He then tells me that it wasn't so much his mom as it was sis.

Supposedly mom needed some furniture moved and an airconditioner. Hardly cause for drama but my mother in law always seems to find a way. Sis on the other hand overstepped her bounds. Rough synopsis of the weekend on the farm with Issy gone:

Act I
A comes down and plays video games with M.
Some other friends come to visit with M, one of whom have never seen our chickens.
Sis comes down and stands in the doorway between our kitchen and family room and says nothing.
Our friend that has never seen the chickens gets to tour the coop while A leaves to go to a hockey game.
Sis stays there with M and says nothing.
When said friends whom were looking at the coop comes back, Sis leaves and said friends part ways and leave too.

Act II
Sis comes down the next day and says to M that she is going to the store and would he like her to pick up anything. (Seems innocent so far) He says no thankyou.
Sis comes back from the store and asks is there anything that she can do around the house. (We're testing the line here but so far it still seems okay) M tells her no.
Sis ignores M and starts doing the dishes; all of them and then gets our little boy dressed for bed. (Here is where I start to have a problem)
Sis gets done and asks M if there is anything else she can do around the house so he sarcastically says that she can do the laundry if she wants. She starts going to the laundry room! Hubby then tells her that he's just joking.
Sis proceeds to sit down and tell hubby that before she met her husband that she was a virgin. WHOA!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?????????????? WHO THE HELL CARES?????????????? The she proceeds to tell M that she was her husbands first.
So hubby asks me "Have you ever said something out of instinct and realized it after it was too late that it was the WRONG thing to say?" He tells her "No you weren't!"
BAM!
Bitch got the smackdown!

Now it's not hubby that I'm worried about, it's my sister in law. My hubby doesn't even know what my first time was and he should know that information; not about sis's. I was advised by my oldest sister in law to confront her. Ask what the hell were her intentions by telling hubby that. Needless to say, I am absolutely furious with her. My aunt even said that it doesn't look good for her to come down every day when I'm not there and I agree with her. Not to mention the fact that I feel completely let down. I've been told not only to keep a close eye on her but to basically be rude to her and tell her that her "services" are no longer necessary. I even had a close friend of mine tell me that she wouldn't be surprised if my mother in law put her up to it since she is upset that she will never have anymore grandchildren with the death of her son.

If I find out that is the case, I have only one piece of advise to give to them: "Both of you bitches better pack a fuckin' lunch".

Corn

What can you do with corn? Let me count the ways:

1. You can grill it
2. You can eat it
3. You can schuck it
4. You can wipe your butt with it
5. You can watch the kernels regroup in your shit
6. You can feed your livestock with it
7. You can harvest it
8. You can use it in just about every product that you buy at the store with it
9. You can throw it out the window at a passerby if your pissed at them when driving
10. You can feed squirrels with it
11. You can butter it

I went to Iowa this past weekend for my great aunt's 90th birthday. It's been a long time since I've been there and forgot how flat and desolate Iowa can be; not to mention the enormous amount of corn that they have. I went during harvest time. . . .everywhere we went "oh! It's harvest time! Didn't you know that?" I gathered as much with the huge dust bowls that were being kicked up by massive combines and trucks that were cutting the stalks.

I was never so grateful to get home away from corn!

Part Deux

Okay. I told you yesterday that I was going to tell you the second part which was a "firey" topic. Basically I need some feedback from some of you.

Over the weekend (Saturday to be exact) my sister in law came to the house; the one that just lost her husband. We all sat outside drinking. . .a lot. I made a fire in the garden chimney that we have and proceeded to listen to hubbies bullshit:

"Oh you should go tanning sometime. You would look awesome with a tan."
"Oh you should go workout sometime."
"Oh you should get colored contacts because you have such large prominent eyes that they would look great with green contacts."

All of these statements were directed to said sis. Being the drunken bitch that I can become, I chose to keep my mouth shut for fear of finding out what my shoe tasted like. Then they started punching the punching bag. She would hold it while he punched. Mind you I was just sitting there feeling like an idiot but more importantly I felt left out.

Then he whispers to me as she's walking over to the other side of the yard "look at her honey, she is all alone and with nobody".

Next thing I know, they are going up to the roof to party. I stayed behind and he asks me "well are you coming?" Fine. I'll climb my drunk ass onto the roof. I sat up there with them for about 15 minutes when I started to get cold and saw that the fire was starting to die down. I needed to go down but was too tipsy to get down on my own. Hubby reluctantly helped me down by jumping onto the tailgate of his truck and instructed me to follow as he held my hands. As soon as I got to the tailgate, we both started to fall off of the tailgate and fell to the ground. Hubby laid on the ground moaning. I asked him if he hurt himself and he just held is pitiful crotch and said "Oh! I smashed my left nut!" Hahahaha! Karma is a bitch isn't it? He then says to me "Well I'm going back up on the roof". Whatever.

I was curious as to what was going on so I went to the barn to get more firewood. On my way back, I would see what was going on. When I came out, they were sitting next to each other like he and I would. It really bothered me so I just went inside and started getting ready for bed. A few moments later he came in and I pretended to be asleep. He rubbed my hair and whispered "I love you and you will always be mine". I don't think he intended to have me HEAR that. I went to bed at close to midnight. He came to bed at 1:30a.

So my question is, what was he doing? Or do I even want to know? I think that God instills a sense in women when it comes to jealousy. I don't think it's a "false" feeling and it's there for a reason. So, I know what B will say but I just wonder if I'm overreacting. I don't think that I am.