Reality Show at My House!

I have a major problem. . . . my mother in law is cracking up due to the death of her son. It's to the point where it would make a great reality TV show because I'm in the middle if it and I am hanging on the edge of my seat asking everyday "What's next?" Let me give you a brief, bulletted list of some of the highlights:

• Tried to put an ad in the newspaper for Sis's and bro-in-laws house that is currently under construction without asking Sis if it was okay.
• Telling Sis that now that S is dead that she will not have any more grandchildren. Sis's response was "What about Issy's little boy?" (my 3 year old)
• Told me that S was her baby. I told her to never let M hear that or else it would absolutely kill him. That started a war in itself.
• Took a bill from Sis and paid it without asking and then asked her boss to float her a loan to cover Sis's outstanding bills without asking Sis.
• Tried to talk the neighbor into buying the RV and the truck without asking Sis.
• Took the 3 year old at 10a yesterday without asking anyone and nobody knew where she whent. Found out later that she took him to the mall to ride on one of the rides. She told me he was really sick and had a fever. Why would she drag him through a mall if he was sick?
• Wants to sell all the property and purchase a farm WAY down south so that we can have 3 acres, Sis can have 3 acres and they can have some acreage. . . just like one big happy commune!

The above is just a tip of the iceburg. I have bent my best friend's ear enough and I'm tired of dealing with all of the drama. The woman clearly needs some serious help and after the second to the last issue mentioned happened, I have decided to curb all visitation with "Granny" until help is sought out.

All of this is very disturbing and scary for me. My main concern is my immediate family; the man, the boy, the daughter and myself. I will not allow my family to be drug through her sickness. They don't deserve nor do they understand it; frankly, I don't understand it myself. My best friend told me that I should probably stay away for a while which after re-evaluating the situation, that would be best.

Cock a Doodle What?????????

For those of you that don't know, I live on a farm. We garden and raise chickens for eggs. We have 40 plus chickens which includes two roosters; Clyde and Whitey. Clyde is a dick but Whitey keeps him in shape by running him multiple times around the yard.

We have two hens that are lame. They can't walk and stay in the larger of the two coups that we have. They have gotten to the point where they let me pet them every day as well as my 3 year old son who thinks they are "cute". Well one day this past weekend, my son was bouncing off the walls so I suggested we go outside and run off all the energy. Paw-paw was in the chicken yard walking fast. That's strange for him as his back is all messed up. Then he left the yard and slammed the gate to the yard shut. I came over to my Sis and asked what was up which my father in law stormed past and yelled "Keep him away from here!" I looked at Sis and she told me something happened to one of the chickens but she didn't know what.

Next thing I know, here comes Dad holding a limp chicken by the legs upside down. I hurried over to my son and put him on the lawn mower so that he would be distracted. I then went over to find out what had happened. Apparently one of the Rhode Island Red hens went into the coupe and started flogging and pecking the two lame chickens. My father in law kicked her out of the coupe and turned to leave when she re-entered the coupe and did it again. Dad took the hen and cut off her air supply just long enough for her to pass out. He then took her out of the barn and hog tied her legs together and threw her back into the coupe so that she could see what it was like to be crippled like the other two chickens.

I went that evening to put the chickens up and the one that was hog tied was panting and laying on the floor but she was okay. The other chickens just walked on top of her like she wasn't even there. I told my other half what had happened and he told me this:

"If you told that story to anyone in the county or in the city, they'd call PETA and scream animal cruelty, but if you ask any farmer around here, they would tell ya that chicken is lucky to be alive!"

The Irony of Being a Teenager

I remember way back in the day when I was a teenager. Ah the boys, the sex, the drinking, the skipping school. . .

I have a 15 year old daughter that we will call B. B just started high school yesterday and I asked her how her first day of school went.

"Great Mom!"
"How do you like your teachers?"
"Most of them are OK except for my chemistry teacher. I don't like her so much."
"Why is that honey?"
"It's M's mom!"

OK. Just a brief overview. M is my daughter's really close friend and I would almost call him her boyfriend. However, M's mom doesn't care too much for B which creates a problem especially considering the fact that she must earn a grade from this woman.

I could remember a time when I earned my right at a bad reputation. I worked damn hard at it; pissing people off, doing what I wanted, having the mouth of a sailor, sporting a 4" high white mohawk. . . ah the memories. However, I never ran into a problem such as the type that my daughter may have to face in the future.

This woman doesn't like B because she calls all the time and she has the calls reciprocated by her son. Let's also talk about how her son had a knife on him at one point in time. Let's talk about the fact that her son has dark, shadowy overtones. Let's face it people, I for one know how people judge you based on your appearance. I try to give people more credit than what they are willing to portray on the outside. But growning up in a constrictive and judgmental household, I know how society can treat others that look different. B on the other hand doesn't look abnormal; a little on the grunge side but all in all she is a beautiful young woman.

All I can do is hope that this new teacher of her's gets to know her and love her the way that all of her past teachers and peers have loved her. If not, then I guess I need to get my big can of whoop ass ready to go!

Oh for God's Sake!

Why do people go out of their way to be ignorant? After dealing with the death of my brother in law, I am in no mood for anyone's selfish attitudes! Part of my job is that I have to do payroll. We get paid twice a month and I have 50 some odd union guys to pay and 25 local salaried people. The salaried isn't so hard. I had to email one of them today to ask where his sheet was as I knew he was out one day from this pay period. His response was:

"I spent close to 6 hours that day on my computer and the phone dealing with "Company" business. I hardly call that a day off
Let's call it working from home."

What in God's name did I do to deserve THAT comment????????

Then there was the mean little prick in the back. I went to a friend of mine, not the goofy little freak that gave me attitude and I didn't realize it but the two of them were engaged in a conversation. Ooops! I made a mistake and interrupted. Now my best friend hates people that interrupt and I do try not to do it to her, but sometimes it slips out and happens to others. The little troll got up in a huff and sped off leaving me to appologize as he ran away and I asked "I'm sorry. Did I interrupt you?" To which his response was "Yes. As usual". Al right, at this point I've had it. But since the good lord put me on this earth as a bitch, I will go out of this forsaken society as a bitch and am proud to announce it. Around 1/2 hour later one of my delivery guys was talking to another coworker whom just happened to be there when the whole interruption episode took place. I walked past them both to get some items that I needed to do my job. One of them hollered after me and said "What? Can't you say Hi?" My response was this and quite loudly (things tend to have more impact in a large, echoing warehouse when you raise your voice so that everyone can hear you) "I'm sorry C. I noticed you were involved in a nice conversation with my friend and I didn't want to be rude and INTERRUPT you". Next thing I know, here comes dork alert running after me down the aisle. . . "Hey Alissa. . . . ". I brushed him off and told him that I didn't have time to talk to him and was too busy working to deal with him.

The ironic thing is that is that his wife calls 4 times a day and his mom calls no less. I know I don't make enough to put up with that crap!

Steve . . . . We will miss you.

Last night I got off of work and drove to my Herbalife rep's house to pick up some vitamins. I was there for 1 hour and 15 minutes and didn't take my phone in as not that many people call me. When I came out, there were two new messages from my boyfriend.

First message:

"Pick up the fucking phone NOW!"

Second message:

"If you can't answer your phone then you shouldn't have one. If you can't answer your phone then don't bother coming home!"

I was just getting ready to call back when the phone wrang and it was him. I asked him what was going on and he was like "Oh hi honey! How's it going?" All sweet and shit. It totally threw me off so I asked him what was going on. He told me that I needed to get my ass home because there were going to be a bunch of cops at the house. I didn't know what to think. So I asked him why and that's when he told me "Steve's dead".

My best friend called right after that and after talking to her this morning, I don't really remember much of the conversation. All I remember her saying is "Where are you? I'll come get you just pull over so you don't wreck."

I got home after doing 80mph on a back road and passing three people on curves on double yellow lines. Stupid on my part. When I got there, there were two marked cop cars and one unmarked. My mother-in-law (I call all of his family my in-laws because we've been together for so long) was sitting on the deck crying with all the police around her and dad was nowhere to be seen nor Sis. I barely made it up the walkway between my heels and sobbing, I almost fell twice. I hugged my mom and she told me they were upstairs and to say goodbye to Steve before the coronner got there.

When I got up there Steve was on the floor with the heart attachments still on him. Dad was on the sofa holding his hand and Sis was in the recliner crying softly. Dad stood up and held me tight and cried while I just sobbed and didn't know what I was going to do with my man at the house and my little three year old who saw the big fire truck go up the hill. Finally Dad grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me straight in the eye with a look that went all the way to my soul and told me this: "You go down now and take care of M". It has haunted me ever since he spoke those words. M had another brother that was 4 years older than I am but he commited suicide when M was 13.

Last night I spent a lot of time listening to M say "I am the last. . . I am all that is left". What do you say to that? I have asked and haven't heard an answer. I don't think there is one. All I am doing now is asking; more like begging God to help me find a way to comfort M, Mom, Dad and Sis. If any of you have one praying bone in your body, please find it and use it. My family can use all the help it can get right now.

The State of the Nation

Every morning before I go to work, I make sure I am caught up on my current events. I was getting dressed this morning (only had a towel on at the time) when Chetoff came on and addressed the nation. He's the guy in charge of Homeland Securities in case you didn't know; I just found that out this morning. He started talking about planes and the United Kingdom and I thought to myself "Who cares and what does this have to do with me? Another clear case of too much information". But then he said that the planes were scheduled to come to the U.S. Wait! That has to do with me now. I threw a robe on over my towel and ran outside to my father-in law who was watering the trees with my 3 year old and told him what I heard. Since he doesn't sleep, he said he heard about it at 3a this morning and gave me a little more insight than what I had currently heard. He said that they had arrested 21 people all of whom were of English decent but were Muslims.

The thing that bothers me the most is that I work for a company where travel is essential. I currently have 3 guys traveling this week running shows and have no idea whether they will be able to make it back into the office without all the hassles and headachs. At least one thing I can bank on is that when they do come back, I am going to get an earful of bitching.

I called my friend this morning to let her know what was going on and not only her, but on my end I also had heard and am still hearing people blowing all kinds of stuff out of proportion. One of my guys had to come to my office to get away from one of his co-workers going off on a tangent about shampoo! We talked for about 15 minutes when the coast was clear. It didn't help. The co-worker had worked his way up to saline solution and how everyone in the contact world would now have to travel blindly because the necessary materials are banned. Please! Enough is enough!

It's already been 3 hours since I heard this news and I am already tired of hearing about it!

Who are the People in your Neighborhood?

The reason why I ask this is that most of us are affected by the people that we are surrounded by. For example, I spend 85% of my time at work. Therefore, my mood reflects the interaction that I have with my fellow co-workers. Now mind you, I am not a people person. I don't like people (especially grown ups) and I particularly LOATHE people with little to no common sense. Unfortunately, I work in an office of 32 people. Of all of these people, there are only 3 of us that are women. That's right folks, I'm surrounded by 98% stupidity and lack of common sense. Why? Is it because of their genetalia? Most of the time I would say yes.

Most of my guys are afraid to approach me because they don't know what mood I'm going to be in. My argument to that is this. . . . If you're doing your job, don't worry about how hormonal I'm being today! More than likely I'll get over it if you're doing your job. But sadly enough, I am inundated with lackadaisical behavior, excuses for this behavior which never holds any true substance.

I had a meeting 2-3 weeks ago in regards to my "attitude". What it boiled down to was that I was not handling certain individuals with kid gloves. I was being too rude and offending them. OK. Now I ask you this. . . .Who is being hormonal now? I asked one of my supervisors for a meeting to clarify what was expected of me and what my exact role in our team was. I still haven't heard anything from him which leads me to this. . . HE is useless and I have no problems telling him that. When he was in town, and leaving to go back home, his co-worker left his cell phone in the taxi. I was asked to FED-ex it overnight to his residence on a Saturday which cost us $33 to send. I still to this day have gotten no thanks for what I did. Supposedly that was my job to cover his ass.

I live on 15 acres for a reason. To stay away from people. I live 1/4 of a mile off the road. Why? So I don't have to hear the drama going on with the drug addict and his girl friend who drove off the road and into the ditch the other night when they weren't getting along. So I don't have to see the Mormon couple leave every Sunday dressed in their best and wonder if they are going to put me on their prayer list because they happened to see me running out to my car to get something in my underwear. So that I don't have to see the "half-assed" neighbor who only paints the front half of his house but leaves the back half kind of done for me to wonder "Hmmm. I wonder if so-and-so is going to actually finish that this year?"

So I ask this. . . . What type of colorful people do you have in your neighborhood that you tolerate?

OK. One of the things I'm am going to use this blog for is to get some of the dreams that I have at night out of my head. I will forewarn you ahead of time that most of them are disturbing and unexplainable. I've heard that dreams are a way for the brain to deal with unresolved issues. If that's the case then I need to be locked up for what goes on in my head.

I have had dreams of violence the majority of my life. It was especially bad when I was pregnant with my first child. I had dreams of killing people and not just bang your dead killing. I had dreams about dismembering people; people that I didn't know. I had dreams of fighting with a girl and jumping on top of her and ripping her face off. Now I can see where that comes from when almost every day I come across a driver that I want to pull out of the car and do that to.

Not all of my dreams are violent. Some are just twisted with a weird plot. I've had dreams that I accidentally landed on a syringe and was worried throughout the whole dream that I was going to die. The person who was holding the needle was looped out of their mind on drugs and was driving a car that was speeding out of control towards me. I jumped through the window to regain control and that's when the needle went into my skin. I had so many mixed emotions, I didn't know how to feel.

Well there is a brief sampling of what's yet to come. Enjoy!

Good Morning!

This is my first atempt at the real world getting to know me. Most people either love me or hate me. Either way, my life is too short to worry about what others think. Strangers have judged me; why, I guess they have nothing else better to do with their lives.

I am a strong female that doesn't take a lot of crap off of anyone except for the signifigant other in my life. I wish other females would possess a similar backbone but I know that is just wishful thinking. I do have one female that I hold dear to my heart who is strong, opinionated and vocal. I love her to death and wouldn't trade her in for anything!