Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Feel the burn!

I very rarely make a new year's resolution and follow through with it. I can't even tell you what my resolution for 2007 was. However, good health seems to be a popular choice with most so I'm sure at one point in time, I chose that.

I've been battling eating right, exercising and being consistent. The exercising thing is a real pain in the ass for me as I don't have a lot of motivation. I tried diets. I tried fad eating trends. I even tried a free online program that works really well if you stick with it. . . . they have a great network of people going through the same thing so that helps.

Not too long ago, I told a friend of mine that if I had someone to motivate me into working out on a regular basis, that I could probably do it. She agreed too and we both shared ideas on how to do that. She has a membership to the YMCA as well as a coworker of hers. We decided that we would take a class twice a week and work out one other day a week. So far it's worked out really well. So much that last night I signed up for a membership and have a backpack packed in my trunk so that I can swing by there on my way home. We also have another friend who we asked to take the class with us and now she is thinking about getting a membership too. I at least have a few people that I can ask to go with me until I meet people there.

Now that I have some consistency in my exercise, eating is next. I have an issue with portions and then there's the almighty drink. I cannot give up my daily beer consumption. It's my release at the end of a good day. It's my release at the end of a crappy day. It's my reward for something great happening. It's my security blanket when hubby pisses me off. It's also making me fat. I thought that if I substituted light beer for regular beer that would help. I think it has but the ultimate "help" would be to cut back to just drinking on the weekends.

I never remember having to work this hard when I was younger when it came to staying in shape. . . . .this sucks. At least I have the winter to work off the "baby fat" before I get on the boat.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Back from the dead. . .

Well, I've made it back. I've dove so far into work and family that I have barely had time for myself. Correction, I have not MADE time for myself.

I used to always do stuff to make myself happy like going out or shopping. . . .now I'm finding my happiness in a job well done at work and coming home and being involved in my family. I know that sounds corny.

My son went away for Thanksgiving with the in-laws. It was a nice, quiet, extended weekend for the hubby and me. I'm ready for him to come home though. . . I miss him getting into everything and going through our daily routine. Apparently he had a blast and when I called my MIL, I could hear him singing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" in the back seat. It was so cute!

I went to my parents house for Thanksgiving dinner. It was fine until my daughter and mother started picking at each other. It was super annoying. Three different times, I had to bite my tongue because they were both getting under my skin. My mother is a grown woman. Why does she feel the need to argue over minuscule crap with a 16 year old? I just don't get it. Sitting back and watching from a distance, I know why my mother does what she does. She is a control freak and likes to push buttons. She likes to watch chaos and turmoil take place at her command. It's disgusting. Being an adult now, it just annoys me that she's still that way and will never change. It's nice to be able to leave that situation and not have to deal with it anymore. I can limit how much or how little exposure I have with that woman. I just wish my daughter would want to leave there so that she could be at peace more. Right now, she is so unhappy with her living arrangements and I can understand why. . . .

Monday, August 27, 2007

Pretty Much Done

Sorry all. I know I haven't been on here as faithfuly as some have. I haven't been able to just for the simple fact that my priorities are different than some people.

Because of the fact that I have a family and a career, my time is limited. I rely on bits and pieces of my day to call or write to someone briefly to talk about or "relieve" myself of an issue that has been bugging me. Most of the time it is redundant. So fucking what. A lot of the time it is an issue that has been going on for a while. So fucking what. Someone once told me that I should not care. Fine. No problem. Don't care. The one thing that my friend told me that I have ever taken to heart truly was this. . . .don't forget or loose who you really are.

I have morphed over the years and changed into a person that I am proud to be. I may not have a lot of friends but . . . so fucking what. I feel as though the knowledge that I posess now is a little bit more than what it was 20 years ago. I don't want to be the person that I was in the past. I know now that I don't have to be abrasive like I was years ago. I don't WANT to be abrasive.

So for the few friends that I do have that I will loose. . . sorry. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of being afraid of what might piss you off or what you will or won't listen to. And yes. I don't want to talk about you anymore. If I point out issues that concern me about you, you don't want to hear it. So, I will go alone, by myself and be happy with my family and career. Sorry to leave you high and dry but I'm tired of trying to figure you out. You've made it way too painful, complicated and meticulous. Sorry if I don't measure up to your standards, sorry if you don't approve, sorry if you think I'd leave you high and dry, sorry if you don't think I support you, sorry if you are tired of hearing about the same shit over and over again, sorry if you don't approve of my mate, sorry, sorry, sorry. . . but so fucking what. I'm out and I'm done. Be happy for me.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Round 2 "Ding, Ding"

Okay. . . plot thickens. . . .

I've already cleaned up the majority of hubby's infidelities so far with this last go around. I have contacted Penny in PA to make sure that her fragile state has not been shattered. She has already informed me that it took a lot of courage to call and that I didn't have to be nice about it but I was. Now that I know that she knows where I'm coming from I don't have to worry.

Except. . . . .

For all of the other women on the planet who don't know about me which is approximately 99.9% of the population.

I took my son to daycare this morning. One of the teachers had told me that hubby had made an "invite" towards my son's teacher and that she was appalled that he would do such a thing. He came in on Friday evening to pick our son up and announced to his teacher that he and I were having some problems and that he was going to the lake by himself for the weekend. Would she like to join him? He also told her that he couldn't talk to anything with tits without me getting angry or jealous. I apologized to her for his lack of taste and then went in to work and got the phone out AGAIN and texted him telling him that N had told me about his cute little invite and that it seemed to me that he was done even though I wanted things to work out between us.

It wasn't even out of my phone for a minute and my phone rang at work. He said he was joking which I thought was funny. I asked him if he had ever heard the saying "10 million Elvis fans can't be wrong" His reply was "What does Elvis have to do with any of this?"

Ugh!

I have my work cut out for me!

Friday, May 25, 2007

The Gloves are On!

I haven't been on in a while. Work is going great and I am in it knee deep. Today though, I decided to make some time.

I have an issue with hubby. Hubby plays video games online and meets people there and plays along with them. Unfortunately, most of the "people" that he meets are girls (notice I didn't say "women). Hubby and I went out of town last weekend and left our son where we vacationed at with my inlaws as we had to come back early to go to work the next day. So when we get back on Sunday, he calls on his cell phone to his parents to tell them we are back safe and sound. Our son wants to talk to us on the phone so Daddy goes first. Then it's Mommy's turn. As I'm talking to him, his phone beeps which means tht either the battery is about to go dead or someone is on the other line. It's a girl from PA. I didn't answer it, finished up my conversation and handed the phone to hubby "It's that chick in PA". He then tells me quite innocently that is the first time that has happened. . . . hmmmmmmm.

So as days went on it hit me like a ton of bricks. Why does someone you play a game with need your cell number? So a fight ensued and he assured me that I was a dumbass for even thinking that anything would come out of it. The argument was going nowhere and I decided to just drop it, get drunk in my bedroom, fold laundry and watch a good violent flick. I had a plan up my sleeve.

The next day when I got home from work, he was getting ready for dinner and was going to go to be at 8p. That's not like him but nonetheless, my plan would continue. He went to bed and I put our son in the shower to get cleaned up for bed. While he was in the shower, I got into hubby's phone and started going through his call history. Not a lot there. You don't have a lot of concrete evidence from an incoming and out going call log. So I went to texting. BINGO! Lots of good juicy shit here. I read close to 45 texts. I couldn't read all of them as there were 95 outgoing and 46 incoming. I saw the bill last night by the way. 181 texts alltogether in the month of April alone. Two of them were mine.

I read thinks that really bothered me. Things like "I really care for you a lot" and "I have a 3 year old. . . that is my big secret. . . I'll probably never be married" and "You sleep tight sweetie. . I look forward to talking to you tomorrow" and "I hate to bother you at school but I just wanted to say hi". What? The bitch is in school???? Maybe he meant college. . . .

Earlier in the day before I came home, we got into an argument on the phone and I told him that he needed to tell her that they would no longer be contacting each other or else I would. He said he would. When I got home and started reading the texts, it was very clear that the conversation that I had requested take place had not happened. So, it was up to me to make the decision to call her and explain what was going on. Mind you, I already had about 9 beers in me at the time.

I put my little guy to bed, grabbed beer #10 and my phone and walked outside down my easement away from the house. I had already programed her number in my phone in a secret spot and began to dial. The conversation was unbelievable. First of all, she's 19 and still in HIGH SCHOOL! What's more is that hubby told her that I was crazy, didn't live with him but spent the night a few times, and that our son was 3. . . not 4. She also told me that he told her that he was some big wig contractor who built houses and then sold them right away because they were so great. I corrected her on that one. . . .

"Honey, I hate to tell you this but all he does is make concrete look pretty. He gets on his hands and knees like a little bitch and swirls his little heart out. He lied to you".

I told her that I felt bad for her as he had strung her along and it was clear that she was falling for him and had done so for the past month. She told me that he had a lot of explaining to do and I told her that my family life right now was being torn apart. Basically in a nutshell, he made it clear that I was nowhere near in the picture of his life which meant that if I wasn't there then that meant HE was the one taking care of our son. It really hurt especially after all of the things that I do on a regular basis to make things work for us as a family.

I got off the phone with her after 20 minutes and then called my best friend to vent. I talked forever to her and sat outside in front of my home and talked and drank beer. The funny thing is that I had to go to the bathroom really bad but didn't want hubby to wake up and find out what was going on. I didn't make it to the bathroom in time and what's worse is that I forgot to pull my thong down when I went to pee. I litterally peed my pants!

Last night when I came home, I had a talk with hubby. He is very upset that I contacted "the girl". I don't really care. My point was made. I prevailed. He's the suckass looser. . . .

Have a great weekend all!

Friday, April 20, 2007

Old Habits are Sometimes Lost

I got in touch with a high school friend of mine that I haven't talked to in almost 10 years. It was great talking with him after all of this time. We caught up with what each of us are doing now. We reminisced about things that happened at school and what we had done from that point on to get us where we are today.

He told me how he was so glad to see me doing well for myself. He also told me that he remembered that I had a tongue like a serpent and an attitude to match. . . . a very deadly serpent. I have lost sight of that over the years. I have called it "mellowing in my old age". Finding someone that I haven't seen for over 10 years is an important lesson to me. Back in the day, I was extremely mean. I had no problems telling anyone what their shortcomings were. I figured that if I beat them to the punch that I would be less likely to get hurt. I always had the philosophy that EVERYONE was out there to hurt me.

This guy told me that I had to be like that because of all of the trials and tribulations that I encountered early on in life. I experienced more in the first 16 years of my life than most people encounter in a lifetime. I never realized that I behaved and acted the way that I did because I was trying to protect myself. The great thing about being older now is that I can weigh out the good with the bad with the ugly. I don't have to show my ass like I used to years ago. Now, if I'm having a bad day, I can act like a bitch and not think twice about it. But if I'm having a good day, it feels good not to have to be bad. Before, if I had a good day, I didn't know how to be nice or pleasant. It was miserable. I literally woke up one morning and said to myself "God, how do I stop being such a bitch? I just can't stand being miserable anymore".

It took years for me to understand all of that. It took so long for me to know how to CHOOSE that I can't remember when I actually "morphed" into something that I actually like to look at in the mirror every day. Although at times it does bother me that I am not as self righteous as I used to be. I used to take a lot of pride in being witty and sly. I used to love that fact that I could cut any man down to a splinter with just one line. Now I find myself asking "Oh no! What would they think if I said that?" Who fucking cares! I never gave myself enough time to ask that question back in the day! I just said the first thing that came out of my mouth and by then it was too late.

Getting older has it's advantages. . . . it's taught me to make educated choices. Have a great weekend all!

Ho Hum. . . .

I haven't written anything in a long time. I used to really like to get my word out there. Now, I don't seem to have any time to pee let alone spread the word.

Where has my time gone? Why have I delved so deeply into work? I don't know. I am starting to love my job. I have a boss that treats me the way I've always wanted to be treated and he keeps me busy. Too busy at times. My old boss never gave me credit for shit. He thought that because I had two bumps on the front of my chest that I was only good for child bearing and getting yelled at. Ah how the tables have turned.

I have a co-worker that is, at best, a waste of human flesh. He throws people under the bus constantly, he lies perpetually and has no morals. Sounds like the perfect sales guy, right? Wrong. We loose money on the shows that he sells. Something very important dawned on me today like a lightning bolt. I can't really disclose what it is but when I discuss it with my boss, I'll let you know how everything turns out.

Home life is good. I worked an estate sale last weekend for my in laws and found something that I am very good at and is easy money. I gave my name and number to the woman that ran the sale and she said that she would definitely be giving me a call. There I go again. . . tying up my time with things having to do with work instead of taking time out for me.

Speaking of which. . . .

I haven't had or made time to spend with my best friend. It's been wearing on me too. I enjoy the time that we spend together and I like the fact that I get to get away from reality for a little bit. It's great talking with someone that can center me back to where I need to be and start afresh. She and I are going wine tasting tonight and I can't wait! It's gorgeous outside and will be a perfect night to sit outside and split a bottle of wine. THIS is what I need to make time for. . . .

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Today is much better!

Today is way better than yesterday.

My best friend and I hashed our differences out. It was very refreshing to know where she was coming from and her knowing how I felt. One of the things that she said was that "We are too much alike to get along all the time". I agree. One of my favorite mottoes is that I can barely stand myself so I don't expect you to.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Loss of a friend

I lost a friend today. Where she went, I can only imagine.

We got into a fight. I am supposedly selfish, self-centered, abusive bitch, caring only about myself, pre-madonna, queen of me. . . (you get the point).

I am going to tell you all a little bit about me.

I am a very self righteous person. I used to stand up for what I believed in. As I've gotten older and am involved with someone who is a very controlling person, I have lost sight of that a bit. The friend of mine that I lost told me a while ago to never forget that is who I am. Well I have. I have cowered down, let people tell me what a rotten person I am. I don't care anymore what people think. Either love me for who I am or get the fuck out.

It made me so sad to know that I hurt my friend unbeknown st to me. I didn't know that I wasn't listening enough. I didn't know that I wasn't coming over enough. I didn't know period. But I know that these will be considered "excuses" so I should just shut up. My lost friend wants me to be at her every beck and call. She wants me to listen intently to what she has to say. She wants me to include her in on my most intimate and painful situations. She wants me to leave the father of my child because she thinks I can do better.

I want a lot of things that I can't have. Like a big house. Or sane in-laws. Even to have my oldest kid live with me. I want an understanding partner who knows when I need room to grow, vent and make mistakes. I want a best friend that I can feel even when we haven't seen each other for days. . . .her presence is there and I know that.

All of this sounds corny but I don't care. I'm sure she'll ridicule me and tell me once again what I did wrong or what I didn't do right. How I talk too much about myself and not enough about her. How I am rude and awful.

I wish she could see past all of the things I've done wrong and hear me when I say that I love her. I wish she could know that even though it's only been a few hours since we last typed to each other that I already miss her.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

A Message. . .

Dear Mom,

How are you? I know you are better than me cuz I know you are in a better place. The babies are fine. The oldest one has a major attitude and I just can't figure out who she got that one from. The littlest one is doing great! I brought the blankie home with me when I came back from last year from your place. You know, the one with the cowboys on it that's really soft? He loves it! Your oldest one is going to be 16 this year and she and I are going to a really nice hotel for her birthday and then spend a day at the spa together. I wish you were here to do that with us. . .

Work sucks but it is coming together. The guys I work with are actually TRYING to get their shit together.

M and I are doing okay. We've had our ups and downs but I asked him to spend the evening with me tonight because of you. M's brother should be up there with you so tell him we said hi and also M's grandpa should be there too so let him know that we are painting the house this weekend. . . it needs it!

I miss you so much. Just when I found you, God took you from me but left me with memories that I will always cherish. My biggest fear is that I will forget you. M told me that wouldn't happen; that he would remind me when I get old and help me remember the first time that I saw you. He told me the other night that the first time we met was an experience that he will never forget and can't describe. He said that it was one of the most awesome feelings he's ever experienced. There was a boy that was missing here for 4 years. The news covered his reuniting with his family. I cried. . . not because I was happy for them but because I knew exactly what they felt. Thinking that a part of you is gone and all of a sudden has been found. Knowing that the piece you are looking for will be familiar but the excitement of knowing how it will look different. That's how I remember you. I remember you as being a part of me. . . the person that made me.

You didn't see my first date or witness my first steps as a baby but you saw me for the first time as a successful young woman with children and a family. I have a good career and strong life skills that I believe I inherited. I left you with hopefully pride.

Tonight we're having a shot of Crown. Hope you can make it. . . .I love you!

Your loving daughter,

Alissa

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Stress is a Mess

Hello everyone!

I have been scarce lately. Not necessarily by choice either.

I am going through a lot of changes right now with both work and with personal life.

With work - Drama, Drama, Drama. I have a boss now who used to report to the people that now report to him. It's very difficult. The people that report to him are shifty and unreliable. They will stab him in the back in a heartbeat and not blink an eyelash. It's sad. I feel as though I need to take on the weight of the office and fight for him when he isn't here or isn't capable of doing so. I got into a knock down drag out fight with one of my co-workers a few weeks ago. We went behind closed doors and had it out. Needless to say, I did most of the yelling and he did a lot head ducking. It was pathetic. I pointed out that our whole office didn't respect me or my boss. That if they did, they would turn their work in on time and do their jobs with pride and not dig their heels in because "they didn't feel like it". They come and go as they please without answering to anyone. That's how this whole fight started. I questioned where everyone was at at 9:30 in the morning. I was told that I shouldn't be concerned with every one's whereabouts. My reply was this "Fine. I won't concern myself with where you are. I don't care. It's not MY job on the line so do whatever you want. Piss your life away for all I care. I'm done." I got the big wide-eyed look of "I can't believe you would sound so heartless!" and the fight was over.

With Personal life - Hubby got into some trouble yesterday. I'm not at liberty to say at this time what it was but believe you me, Issy was one pissed off bitch yesterday. The in-laws didn't help any either. As a matter of fact they distracted my anger from hubby and concentrated it on themselves. They are worried about their reputations. They are worried about how people will view them now. Who gives a fuck?????? I pointed out to hubby that they are common farm people who live on 15 acres. They aren't part of the mafia. They hold no social standing in the community. There was no "coming out" gala for the boys when they reached manhood. How fucking gay is that? Reputation? Bitch please! I'm so aggravated that I can't even see straight!

And. . . I have no clue who to be mad at first! Should it be the dumb dicks I work with or should it be the moron that I sleep with every night or should it be lucky number 5 up on the hill that gave birth to said moron? Lord!

If any of you have a praying bone in your body, please find it and use it and think of me fondly. . . if you won't pray for me I will definitely have to pray for myself!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Mardi Gras - WooHoo!

Hello friends! I have been a busy girl! Work has dealt me a full hand which I have been trying to play and finally I cashed out on Saturday. . . It was time for Issy to play.

We had made plans Barbarian and I to go to Mardi Gras on Saturday. My hubby was due to go and her hubby was going to drive us there and pick us up so that operating a motor vehicle was not an option. I woke up Saturday morning ecstatic. Hubby wouldn't wake up so I tried again about an hour later. . . grunt. . . ugh. . . bye. Fine, I'll go without you then.

Now the night before I picked out my beads and left the good ones at home so that I wouldn't get upset if a drunken male fell and ripped some of my beads off. I had them with me along with my medicine in case I just got too drunk to make it back home. I picked up the cell and called my friend.

"I have good news and then I have better news"
"What?"
"Good news is that I'm on my way and the better news is that I'm coming by myself!"

So I get to her house and we get situated and we are off!

We get to our destination and start the 5 block trek. I informed B that I needed a bloody mary as tradition. Oh one minor detail. . . with it being St. Louis. . . the weather sucked. We had received 1-2" of snow from mother nature and it was cold and windy. I had on a thermal undershirt and a thin t-shirt over that with a zip-up hoodie (no bra of course. . . it's Mardi Gras!) So we find a vendor and they loaded us up. . .literally! We made our way to my friend's house and started partying. We had a blast!

I found my new boss who informed me that we were there to have fun and NOT talk about work. He also brought his girlfriend who was fun but struck me as the type to pick "favorites". I wanted her and B to get along and I know B wanted that but I think L was way too drunk to think rational. Oh well! We had jello shots, red headed sluts and lots of beer! I got quite a few good beads but because of the weather, we didn't venture out that much. I earned all of my beads inside. I did however get a great set of beads that I told a story for. That was a first for me! They were ones with little rubber frogs on them. I told the girl that I loved her beads and she told me that she wasn't giving them up. So I told her how hubby and I went to Branson every year and we went to a store called "Peace Frogs" and I bought stickers there and put them on my car. But I blew up the engine in my car and had to get rid of the car and leave all of the stickers behind. She hugged me and said that was a great story and put the beads around my neck.

Then there was this one guy who was quite a bit older than me. He and I were talking and I was two sheets to the wind at that point. I remember at one point in time that he was just about begging me to go out on a date with him. I believe that B was there with me laughing and telling him that he didn't really want to get involved knowing who my hubby was. He still didn't give up. All I know is that he gave me the creeps like go take a shower creep. So we left and headed back to our rendezvous point.

When we got there it was busy and there were a lot of people there. I spotted her hubby's car and grabbed her and started to run across the intersection. When I got to the car, my feet flew out from underneath me and I landed flat on my ass! There was a whole crowd of people there that said "OOooooooooooooooo!" and B picked my ass up and poured me into the back seat of their car.

I had an absolute blast!

Friday, February 09, 2007

Pissy Issy

God I'm aggravated today!

I went to lunch with a co-worker today and tried to pay with my card. Declined. Nice. Didn't I just get paid on Wednesday? Oh that's right. . . I had to pay all of the bills with my money the same as I have had to for the past 3 fucking months.

Now I didn't mind when I was younger and a single mother. I had nobody else to blame if a bill didn't get paid except for me. However, when I have a secondary (or at least I thought I did) coming in, I shouldn't have to worry that much. . . especially when the bills are cut right down the middle.

So Issy called up hubby and explained in a very loud tone of voice that she was displeased with being broke AGAIN. So I called him up and started complaining about the situation and what was he going to do about it. An argument ensued. Words were not exchanged but thrown at a violent manner back and forth through the receiver.

"Why are you calling me at home?!?!?"
"Oh I'm sorry. . . I didn't know you were so busy. . . "
"Look here bitch. . . "
"Call me bitch one more time and I'll show you a fucking bitch when I get home tonight from my J.O.B."
"By the way hubby, keep holdin on to that wild card of 32 miles distance between us because that's the only thing saving your ass right now."
"Don't worry, we'll make it. . . we always do."

Telling me not to worry is not making me feel better. It's just patronizing. Especially coming from a guy who is having his bitch pay his bills for him. I am worried about the bills. I am worried about the dishes not getting done and the house looking like shit like both of us are working when clearly that is not the case. I'm spent. I'm in need of some help from him. Even if it's doing the dishes, vacuuming picking up or something.

I told hubby to get a job when he asked me "What do you want me to do?" Well gee Einstein! That's a loaded question! Try working at the local corner store or even a gas station. Or how about just applying for unemployment! Fuck! I even told him that I'd go out and get a second job! Hell, I'd just install a pole in the front yard and see how much I could make! Talk about working from home!

See the problem is that hubby doesn't think until I have to do it for him. He thinks that if he sits there for long enough that the problem will go away or someone else will take care of it. Know what that's called? Being lazy. I however have not had the luxury of being lazy. Being a single mom at 19 will do that to a girl. I have always had at least one job if not multiple jobs. I have tried to make sure the bills are paid on a regular basis well before hubby came along. I had an ex-hubby that I put all of my financial faith in and he stomped on that like a bug leaving me with 7 years of bad credit and a huge grudge against him for doing so. I also promised myself that I would never get caught dead in that type of situation ever again.

Being that it's "that time of the month" doesn't really help.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Hypocrits

Today I was called a hypocrite. Funny. I reread what I wrote and was a bit confused. It all started as a friendly banter back and forth on where people live. I was arguing that the individuals "perception" is not reality.

I did take it personally. I was being criticized on where I live and the "profiling" that takes place where I live at. Here's my take on it.

I live in the St. Louis area. St. Louis is not the best place for everyone to live. St. Louis is one of those cities where it's a common law joke to ask where you went to high school at. That is because St. Louis has people that have lived here the majority of their lives or either their whole life. This is not a typical "pass through" city. People don't come here to start great careers. People come here to get comfortable and stay comfortable.

I do take MASSIVE offense to someone who attacks my character and judges me as a whole race/group of people. I represent the ever-mighty bitch group. You can find us everywhere; not just in St. Louis. I like being challenged everyday by the people in my community. I live in the country and the people there will stop what they are doing to help you out. We don't have street cleaners so everyone is conscious of picking up after themselves.

I grew up in an upper class county. I hated it. I still hate it. The majority of the people there are fake and judgemental which is why I made the choice to move further south. I have the right to say that though because I lived in that fucking town. Someone who is an outsider who has moved and lived in more places than the town whore has had a turn on all of the male patrons in a town has no business or right judging where I live or where I choose to live.

Yes I'm hot. . . and bothered. I have had many people comment on my blog and they have all been supportive and upbeat about things that I believe and that's coming from people ALL over the country if not world. I have never felt belittled, dirty and stupid because I know I am none of these things. I am absolutely gorgeous on the inside and out. What I have to offer others is a major blessing and those of you should be thankful that I share that with you. I am proud of where I came from, I am proud of what I have done with my life. I am proud of my kids, my family, my beliefs, my career and my friends. I am proud of my home and my car. I am proud that I love to drink beer every night and I am proud of the fact that I flipped off the fuck that cut me off this morning (btw. . . your car sucks BMW fucko!) I am proud that I'm not the slimmest women in the mid west (someone must have had a bad experience with a 300 pound slut in the St. Louis area apparently).

I'm done for now. I just had to state my point. I'm tired of everyone being so god damned negative. If you can't shit then get off the wretched pot. Do something to change it if you don't like it.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Men are Raging Dicks!!!!!!

Sorry guys. . . I'm a bad, bad girl for not writing!

So I get a phone call from my mother yesterday. Seems as though my daughter had a "situation" last night in regards to men. She has been seeing a boy for 2 weeks now. She has a "backwards" dance (aka Sadie Hawkins for those of you old fuckers such as myself) and asked this boy if he would be her date. He graciously said yes and on we go.

Now mind you this dance is 2 weeks away. My poor dear has already bought her dress. Do I sound dreadful? Yes. I went to visit her on Sunday. Everything was fine in boy land. I left and went home to do stuff and get ready for bed. While I was doing that he was getting ready to designate the bomb. In the form of an email, he broke up with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why?. . . .

BECAUSE THE SHITTY LITTLE FUCKER SAID HE DIDN'T KNOW HER THAT WELL!!!!!!!

My god! What a lame excuse!!!!! I said something to hubby about it. I told him that I bet anything that the little shit couldn't get his dick wet so he came up with a stupid ass excuse!

I now want to go to his house and beat the holy hell out of that boy. Of course you don't know anyone that well within the course of 2 weeks! What was he thinking? That "oh maybe I'll find out her blood type within that period and if not, then hit the bricks sister". Then my daughter tells me this:

We were sitting on a "love seat" so he asks me (daughter) "what are we sitting on?"
She responds "a love seat"
He says "so that means you love me"?
She says "I guess".
He says "well I do".

What a flake.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Sorry everyone. I was stuck on post 69 and just couldn't bring myself to add one more! (Bad joke.)

Anyway, I wish I could talk openly about the situation with our home and with hubby's family but I really can't due to legal reasons. All I can say is this, I'm staying as far away from his mom as I can. Ever heard of the term "circling the drain"? I don't want to get sucked in and go down like she is. It's actually quite peaceful distancing myself.

Hubby and I are doing great! He hasn't worked consistently for months now and money is really tight but we will make it. I hate the winter because of that. I think in the spring we will go on a little excursion.

My little man is doing great! Although he did something fruit on Monday. Sunday night I made dinner. I put a chicken leg on his plate and a small amount of penne pasta with cheese sauce. He wanted to watch his "shows" instead of eating and we told him that either he eat or go to bed. Either way, TV was not an option. So he decided to go to bed. He woke up the next morning saying that his tummy hurt and I reminded him of the fact that he hadn't eaten. So I took him to daycare and he threw up all over the kitchen. So we trekked back home and I put him in the bed and turned on the TV for him. He ate 2 bowls of Cheez-its, a little debbie snack cake, 2 pieces of toast, a PBJ, 2 go-gurts, chicken tenders, peas and a bunch of water. Yeah, he was sick all right.

Then there's my best friend. She is going through a rough time right now and I really don't know what I can do to ease her frustration. She's basically being ignored in her marriage and I just want to shake her hubby and wake him up. She's a beautiful, strong, intelligent woman. I have been making more of an effort to spend more time with her to get her mind off of struggles that she is having a hard time conquering. All I can do is listen and try to paraphrase. That's all I would need from her if I was going through what she is. I have actually and she has always had a bent ear and waited 4 hours if need be for me to get it off my chest. Actually what we really need is a much needed girls night out! Right now though, I am not financially prepared for that until about another month.

Well, that's what is going on with me. Except for work. . . . NONE of you want to know about that. I'm waiting for something positive to happen before I blog about.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Yay! It's Tuesday!

Good morning everyone reading! Tuesday is not usually recognized as a day of recognition but for me I thought I'd start nothing new.

Everyone hates Mondays. Nobody likes to work, go anywhere or do anything on Mondays. Tuesdays are however after Mondays so how could it be that much worse? It's not.

Then there's Wednesdays. The ever popular "hump" day. Now if your lucky enough to get laid on that day then this theory would apply to you. Most of us don't have partners that are willing to recognize this day specifically dedicated to "gettin some". Mind you Tuesdays are usually days when my hubby puts out so Tuesday would be my "hump" day.

Now on to Thursday. This day has it made as the prequel to the ever popular Friday. Everyone is gearing up for a big party. Thursdays for me however are my workout day which means that the day of pain will follow on Friday making it not such a hot day in Issy's book. Oh did I mention that I work out on Tuesday as well?

Friday is next which is every one's time to get together with coworkers before the big bash happens called the weekend. This is when my drinking occurs to take the edge off of sore muscles and forgetting about retarded co-workers.

Ah. . . . the weekend. Mass amounts of alcohol consumed here just knowing that you have to start all over again on the dreaded Monday.

Vicious circle? That alone calls for a drink! Cheers everyone!~

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Change Sux!

This has to do with my job. It may be boring so I'm sorry ahead of time. Although my old boss is pretty fiery in this one!

The company that I work for is an AV company. The division that I work for does major events and conventions. I managed the whole office of 42 people but now have gone through a divisional split. I now work with 12 people. My boss is not one of the people in our "team". So therefore, now I have a new boss. There's a big problem though. . . .

Nobody told him that I am no longer his assistant.

Yesterday I had to go into 2 meetings. Let me just say that both were orchestrated by T (we'll call my old boss that for now) whom wasn't supposed to be having them at all since nobody except for one person reports to him. I was in both. I was uncomfortable in both. The last one was the worst because I had to go over what my new job duties are with him which made no sense. But since my new boss is on the road, I decided to play dumb to the whole thing.

My new boss, R, called into the meeting and played dumb too until T spilled the beans and told him that he was creating a memo for one of the managers letting them know which duties I was dumping. All hell broke loose while I was there in his office. This is somewhat how it went:

T: Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?
T: Oh that's right R; you haven't been to any meetings that we've had.
R: Nice T.
T: You know what R? This isn't getting any of us anywhere.

The call lasted for about 20 minutes and the aftermath after he hung up the receiver was even worse.

One of my co-workers came to me later on and asked what was wrong. I tried to tell him that I couldn't talk about it but I had to run to the ladies room before I started crying. T ended it with him shaking my hand and sarcastically saying "Nice workin with ya".

I called R when I got home to go over the meeting(s) and he was all calm about it and said "Issy, it was all just a big cock fight. Don't worry about it. I'm really sorry you got into the middle of it and I will take care of it when I get back on Wednesday". That really helped out.

I don't have any respect for my old boss. I used to have some but now I just feel sorry for him. I pointed out last night to R that for a 55 year old man, I just couldn't understand how immature and unprofessional he could be. He agreed.