Old Habits are Sometimes Lost

I got in touch with a high school friend of mine that I haven't talked to in almost 10 years. It was great talking with him after all of this time. We caught up with what each of us are doing now. We reminisced about things that happened at school and what we had done from that point on to get us where we are today.

He told me how he was so glad to see me doing well for myself. He also told me that he remembered that I had a tongue like a serpent and an attitude to match. . . . a very deadly serpent. I have lost sight of that over the years. I have called it "mellowing in my old age". Finding someone that I haven't seen for over 10 years is an important lesson to me. Back in the day, I was extremely mean. I had no problems telling anyone what their shortcomings were. I figured that if I beat them to the punch that I would be less likely to get hurt. I always had the philosophy that EVERYONE was out there to hurt me.

This guy told me that I had to be like that because of all of the trials and tribulations that I encountered early on in life. I experienced more in the first 16 years of my life than most people encounter in a lifetime. I never realized that I behaved and acted the way that I did because I was trying to protect myself. The great thing about being older now is that I can weigh out the good with the bad with the ugly. I don't have to show my ass like I used to years ago. Now, if I'm having a bad day, I can act like a bitch and not think twice about it. But if I'm having a good day, it feels good not to have to be bad. Before, if I had a good day, I didn't know how to be nice or pleasant. It was miserable. I literally woke up one morning and said to myself "God, how do I stop being such a bitch? I just can't stand being miserable anymore".

It took years for me to understand all of that. It took so long for me to know how to CHOOSE that I can't remember when I actually "morphed" into something that I actually like to look at in the mirror every day. Although at times it does bother me that I am not as self righteous as I used to be. I used to take a lot of pride in being witty and sly. I used to love that fact that I could cut any man down to a splinter with just one line. Now I find myself asking "Oh no! What would they think if I said that?" Who fucking cares! I never gave myself enough time to ask that question back in the day! I just said the first thing that came out of my mouth and by then it was too late.

Getting older has it's advantages. . . . it's taught me to make educated choices. Have a great weekend all!

Ho Hum. . . .

I haven't written anything in a long time. I used to really like to get my word out there. Now, I don't seem to have any time to pee let alone spread the word.

Where has my time gone? Why have I delved so deeply into work? I don't know. I am starting to love my job. I have a boss that treats me the way I've always wanted to be treated and he keeps me busy. Too busy at times. My old boss never gave me credit for shit. He thought that because I had two bumps on the front of my chest that I was only good for child bearing and getting yelled at. Ah how the tables have turned.

I have a co-worker that is, at best, a waste of human flesh. He throws people under the bus constantly, he lies perpetually and has no morals. Sounds like the perfect sales guy, right? Wrong. We loose money on the shows that he sells. Something very important dawned on me today like a lightning bolt. I can't really disclose what it is but when I discuss it with my boss, I'll let you know how everything turns out.

Home life is good. I worked an estate sale last weekend for my in laws and found something that I am very good at and is easy money. I gave my name and number to the woman that ran the sale and she said that she would definitely be giving me a call. There I go again. . . tying up my time with things having to do with work instead of taking time out for me.

Speaking of which. . . .

I haven't had or made time to spend with my best friend. It's been wearing on me too. I enjoy the time that we spend together and I like the fact that I get to get away from reality for a little bit. It's great talking with someone that can center me back to where I need to be and start afresh. She and I are going wine tasting tonight and I can't wait! It's gorgeous outside and will be a perfect night to sit outside and split a bottle of wine. THIS is what I need to make time for. . . .