Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Christmas Before Thanksgiving?

I have an issue that I don't think I need help with as hubby is taking care of it on his end. Let me just put it to you this way. . . . the saga continues in the house of fruitcakes.

The little one was taken down south last Wed for Thanksgiving with the crazy ass in-laws. Hubby talks to his parents on like Thursday or Friday. I get a call on Saturday from father in law making sure that the mail gets picked up and asks how the chickens are doing as it is my duty to take care of them while they are away. (I don't mind that part!) Then I hear my little guy whimpering in the background saying "I wanna talk a mommy!" They put him on speaker phone and he starts babbling. . . "Uhn a my Santa, uhn a my toys, uhn a my . . . " In the back ground I can hear my mother in law prompting him to tell me that Santa had come to the RV and set up Christmas there. WHAT THE FUCK??????????????? Oh now what are we supposed to do for Christmas? He's only 3.5 years old! This is the first year that we can have fun with him with Christmas and his parents had to fucking beat us to it!

I go in and quietly ask hubby if he knew about the whole Santa debacle. He said "Oh ya. I heard about it and I'm going to say a few words to them when they get back." Hubby's taking care of it but I'm still hurt. So is he. It's bad enough that we miss our little man terribly but now we have to take a back seat for Christmas! This sucks! This is not the first time that my mother in law has done something underhanded without asking us first in regards to our son. Of course my first instinct is to get revenge as black blood runs deep in my veins and I tend to forget that it's there. But usually things like this remind me that it's a part of me that I can't ignore.

I keep going back to the time when my father in law picked a fight with me and he made the comment "What did we ever do to you?" Christ fucker! Do you have 5 hours?

Monday, November 27, 2006

Why are dike cops such rags?

Saturday I was on my way to Barbarian's house when I notice in my rear view mirror an officer following me. Mind you I had just come from the DMV for transfer of plates. Apparently when we did the sales tax on Wed last week, we overlooked that minor detail. No biggie; I ran up there and paid the additional amount and headed out to see my buddy. The plan was for me to go to her house so that I could borrow a screwdriver to put the new plates on the car.

Now the old plates were still on the new car and new plates were on the passenger seat next to me. I was on a highway that has 5 lanes of traffic so pulling over was a feat in itself. After a mile and a half of the cop on my ass THEN the bitch decides to turn on her lights. Here's the dialog:

"License and insurance"
I hand her both which my insurance is in an envelope with proof of coverage along with the card itself. She looks at the envelope and then at me. . . she wants me to take the shit out of the envelope as there must be a poisonous snake inside.
"Didn't you see me behind you?"
"Yes but I didn't see the lights for over a mile. I didn't know you were pulling me over until I saw the lights"
"Hold on"
The blond headed, pony tail sportin cop goes back to her cruiser. Obviously she is irritated with me.
She comes back
"Why are these plates associated with a Saturn?"
"I just came from the DMV for transfer of plates"
"Where is your paperwork"
I hand her the pink slip of paper from the DMV
"Is this it?"
I show her the plates
"I have these"
"Why didn't you put them on the car at the License office?"
More irritation
"Because I didn't have a screw driver. . . did you want me to put them in my window so you could see?"
"NO"
Even more irritation
She leaves and comes back; each time taking more information from me and keeping it in the car.
"What other paperwork did you receive from the DMV? I need to see it. What you've given to me tells me nothing. Do you have your inspection papers?"
Now is when I'm getting pissed as this is a NEW car and I have the fucking plates on the seat. Don't I have to have the inspection docs to get the plates and tags in the first place?
"I DON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT WITH ME. IT IS IN A FOLDER AT MY HOME. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CALL MY HUSBAND AND HAVE HIM COME UP HERE WITH THE APPROPRIATE PAPERWORK"
"No"
Geez bitch!
At this point I am shaking all over from being worried that she's going to arrest me for not having the right papers with me. I just knew she thought I was stealing a car.
She comes back and tells me this. . .
"Here. You do know that I could write you a ticket for failure to display plates properly but I will give you a warning this time. Drive safe and put your seat belt on"
I put my seat belt on and drive over to Barbarian's.

Barbarian pointed out something very obvious. Someone must be pissed that they had to work on Thanksgiving, the following Friday and Saturday. I think she was pissy because her dike girlfriend and her got into a tiff and she wasn't able to spoon her ass the night before. Fricking dikes. . . sometimes they're worse than a pissy straight man!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Shopping on line . . . . sorry boys!

Okay, best friend sent me a link for 30% off for one day on a company that I have been eyeballing for over a month now. I can't afford the outfit alone and now am able to get it because of the sale. Now my shopping sonar is a bit demented and my reasoning to buy an item is a mind fuck in itself. However let me explain my theory to you:

If I see something that is $130, I won't buy it as it's not on sale. But, if I get a specific amount off of that particular item, I see an allowance of the difference. Meaning, "Oh! Since I saved so much, I now can afford to get that thing in addition to my item of savings!" Eventually, my total will be more than the exampled $130 but I have talked myself into justification.

For example:

I went to the same site today and found that I could save 15%. I picked some items and it totalled roughly $180. With my discount though it dropped to roughly $150-$160. I submitted the order and looked at another email. Wow! Free shipping with my next order! Call up the company and am told I need to wait a few hours for processing before they can apply the free shipping incentive. Wait and look at another email about joining a bonus club. An additional 10% off all purchases year round with 8 options all year to use 20% off entire purchase! Woo-hoo! Call back to the company. . . .now my total with the shipping deleted, with my 15% discount, with my additional discount of 10% is a little over $100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also:

Sealed the deal on best friends X-mas purchase yesterday. I can't really tell you the specifics of the discount or the item as she reads my posts but let me just tell you I got a smokin deal! It even bypasses the previous deal that I received!

My advise to one and all in cyberspace, shop online this year for the holidays. Companies are offering discounts out the wazoo and close to 80% are offering free shipping. The consumer is making out like a bandit this year! I should know, I got sucked into it within a 48 hour period of time! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Let's talk turkey

Let me explain to you the logistics of our Thanksgiving arrangements in Issy's home. In the past, Steve cooked the food up at the in law's house. We would go up there and eat, come back home and I would travel to my parents house without hubby as he can't stand my family. He would sit at home for a few and then go to his close friend's house to have food there and they would come back to our house for a night of drunkenness. I would come home and all was well.

This year however, the in law's will be taking the little one to Branson. Sister in law will be leaving on Saturday to go to her parents house; why she isn't going on Thursday, I do not know. I will be going to my parents as usual and hubby will be all alone at the house for Thanksgiving. He is looking totally forward to it. He is wanting to spend some quality time alone, playing a video game and snacking and drinking. . . . alone. I told him (as I have every year) that he is invited to go with us. He says "thank you" but he will pass.

Try to follow here. . .

Sister in law comes down on Saturday this past weekend. Hubby is out with the new car probably trolling for pussy no doubt. I tell her to stay so that maybe she'll say or do something that would explain her awkward and disturbing behavior. She sits with me and says "Guess what Mom said to me the other day?" I haven't a clue. . . what? "Well with you being gone and them going to Branson, I should cook a turkey for your hubby! Can you believe that?" On the outside I just stare at here like I can't believe you are telling me this. On the inside I'm saying "You cook a damn turkey for my man and that bird will be shoved so far up your ass, you won't have to eat for a week!" I still didn't know what to say to her. I knew that as soon as I saw hubby I would tell him.

The next day, I tell hubby what was said and what type of dog and pony show we are going to have to be privy to. He gets irate and I don't blame him. His boss sends us a turkey every year. We usually cook it sometime in between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We invite all of our friends over for our own pseudo "Thanksgiving/Turkey Dinner" to share how much our friends mean to us. Knowing that he thought sister in law was going to be moving in on my territory, wasn't going to fly with him and I was glad for it.

Well, Thanksgiving is only a few days away and I'm just going to sit back and see how many people can fuck up the holidays. I know I won't be one of them!

Friday, November 17, 2006

What a Week!

I signed up for the beta version of blogger and what a mistake! I thought it was supposed to make life easier, not the other way around!

Anyway. . . I got the car! Pictures to follow in the next week. It is wonderful! I told hubby the other night that it tells me how long I have before I have to put gas in it. It basically does just about everything for me! I told him that if I would have originally had a car that spent more time with me and taking care of me and talking to me, I would have taken better care of it.

I also drive better with this car. I have been driving like a grandma but don't care. I know what my car can do. I smoked a mustang the other night just in second. I have a friend that has a vette and he told me before I bought the Charger that he didn't have to prove anything with his car because he knows and everyone else on the road knows what it can do. I understand what he's talking about now because I have the same feeling (not that I'm comparing my car to the almighty Corvette).

It has so many buttons! It can plan a trip for me, it can cruise (took 3 days to find that feature and figure out how to manipulate it). Hubby and I popped a DVD in the player the first night we had it home and it was BETTER than seeing it in the movies! The screen is high def and there is a surround sound system built into the car. The seats are even bigger than at the movie theatre!

The first night that I brought it home, we stopped at a gas station so hubby could get gas in the truck. I pulled up to the pump and looked for 5 minutes for the gas release on the interior of the car. He was 2 pumps away and I hollered at him "Where's the gas thing on this? I can't find it!" Mortified was the look I would use to describe on hubby's face. "This is a pre-pay pump. Let's get closer to home and fill up there". He was so embarrassed that I sounded so female in the middle of a busy gas station! We reached the other gas station and I ran in to get beer. When I came back out, hubby had the manual in his hand while he was in the front seat no doubt looking for directions on how to put gas into the new addition. Finally, he pushes on the door and it pops open! Boy did I feel like an absolute idiot! We filled up and drove home.

All week I have been enjoying the hell out of this car. Tonight I'm going to my best friend's house to go out in style and can't wait for her to see in and take her out in it! Watch out boys, Mama really does have a bigger nut sack than the rest of ya all!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Whew. . . I've been a busy girl!

Wow have I been getting my ducks in a row! I went wine tasting with my best friend on Friday night, dropped off some paperwork to the dealership, cleaned out the storage room on Saturday, got my meds on that day too, stopped by the fire department to get a burn permit, came home to make chili for guests, drank myself into a stupor, woke up on Sunday with a wretched hangover, drove far to get my daughter and take her out shopping, went to my grandma's for dinner for my birthday, went to work Monday, left early to get check, broke down in shitty neighborhood, co-worker picks me up and drives me far again, hubby picks me up at far place, best friend picks up keys to turn off flashers, go pick up the boy, drop him off, drive to the dealership to sign papers and check, hubby drives me to work this morning with the hopes of best friend's hubby picking me up this evening, called dealership about when to pick up car, not ready because of bank, call junk yard to make appointment to pick up said piece of shit, eating nuts, passed out X-mas cards in office. . . . waiting. . . .waiting. . . . waiting.

I hate to fricking wait. I also hate depending on other people; I always have. My co-worker said to me last night "One of the hardest things I have to ever do is just ask for help." I hate it though. I feel like I owe all the trouble people had to go through just to ensure that I'm taken care of. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside that there are a small handful of people out there that would scrape me up off the shoulder of the road with a large snow shovel, but it still doesn't dismiss the feeling of guilt I have inside.

So here I sit, typing, waiting, worrying. . .what obnoxious feeling could possibly come next?

Friday, November 10, 2006

Vino! Here we come!

I think we have it covered that I'm getting a new car and am ecstatic about it. So is hubby. However, jealousy is such an ugly trait to possess. I called my evil mother yesterday and broke down and told her what I was getting. Much to my surprise her response was "If both of your are financially able to make this step then good for you!" I about fell out of my chair! Who is the person speaking to me? Can't be my mother.

I came home last night after securing a deposit to take the car off of the market. Hubby tells me that he's talked to his parents and asks that I not get upset. Fuck! What the hell now? He tells me that he went up to their house and told them that we were "looking". . . somewhat of a lie but who cares? It's not their business! He told them we were looking at a Charger. His mother exclaims "That's way too much car for both of you!" Sis says "You know M, when S was alive he always wondered when you were going to pay mom and dad back. I think you ought to pay them first before you go out and buy her a new car." I fucking went through the roof! Here is a bit of what I told hubby:

"Your mom is if fucking hypocrite! This morning she handed me a newspaper and said 'Look, here's an ad for a 2007 Pontiac. You should be able to afford that!' Now she's telling you that all we can afford is a used car? Fuck that bitch! And as far as Sis is concerned, I don't want that fucking cunt in my house EVER. I have no use for her at all. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

He told me to calm down. How could I when jealously was running rampant in my life right now? Everyone else that BOTH of us know is so happy for BOTH of us. I then told hubby this:

"Do you know why your mom is acting this way? She's jealous. I've known for a long time that your dad will never allow her to have something nicer than what he has. She's admitted it and I can see it. It's not my problem that he won't treat her with dignity and respect and get her a car that works! I didn't marry the fucking weasel, she did".

So after the whole debacle, I called Barbarian this morning and told her I was really looking forward to this evening. We haven't been out wine tasting in a long time and I miss it; a lot. It's the one thing that we can do together to either drown our sorrows or celebrate some great event. I am going to kill two birds with one stone on this one. Drowning for my disfunctional family and celebration for the new car and a lasting relationship with my best friend. Vino my friend, here we come!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Sorry, I have to get this off my chest

This is bugging the shit out of me. Sorry that I have to subject you all to it. I have a crappy car. That's just the way it goes. I have always had mediocre to less than poor quality vehicles. I am at a point in my career and hubby's career to afford a car of my dreams. Most of you know that over the weekend that I basically blew up the engine. Last night we went car shopping.

Now let me back up a bit. Have you ever had someone try to pull you down when you are in the midst of your excitement? I have one of those here at the office. We will call him "Toup" due to the weave he has on the top of his middle-aged balding head. I told some friends at the beginning of the week that I had talked to a couple of dealerships and obtained some information on the dream car. I was told this and that about some of the specs on the car. Toup butts in and tells me "they'll tell you anything Issy. Their car salesmen".

The car that I'm in the market to buy is an 06 black charger with 5.7 liter hemi engine in it. I found out more not only from the website but also from some other people that I know who knows a lot about cars like let's say my fucking mechanic! One of the things I was concerned about was the gas mileage. It's an 8 cylinder and I drive 64 miles round trip everyday. I was told and read that when driving on the highway that it drops from an 8 cylinder to a 4. It is balanced weight wise to ensure the maximum stability possible. (Used other words and understand the logic but don't remember the words.)

My bitch and gripe is that Toup always talks down to people. Now when it comes to work I get it. But when it comes to my personal life

A. I didn't invite you into my conversation
B. It's none of your damn business
C. I don't need you trying to make me feel like an stupid woman who doesn't know anything. That's what my ex-husband is for
D. Worry about being natural and ditch the rug fucker. We are all laughing about you behind your back

Sorry, I had to throw D in there out of rage.

Anyway, we find out the specs on the car and on the financing. I am absolutely ecstatic and am not going to let some prick ruin my elation!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

1988

I came across an old diary about a month ago and have been reading it off and on. This particular entry was what I wrote during a flashback when I was in between houses and didn't know what was going to happen to me:

"I see two red eyes and long permed hair. I see nothing but insanity and black. I can't look into the mirror without being scared of what I see. Now I see nothing. My hands and whole body is shaking. Now I see myself taking lots of pills and dying. Now I see people having orgies without a purpose. My heart is going too fast and it's about to leave my body. My dog is dead. My cousin has died. I'm dead. People around me are dead. I feel so empty inside. I cry for no reason and I must be possessed. Im breathing too fast. This isn't me but I don't know who this is. Please tell me who you are and then leave me. I'm insane and out of control. I'm scared for myself but help has come too late. I walk around and don't know where I'm going. I guess I really am dead."

December 7, 1988

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

"I Told You So!"

Well it appears as though old Issy wasn't far off when it came to her sister in law. Seems as though old girl can't handle her liquor. Let me recap as I gloat:

Friday night we had friends over. Stumpy first showed up and then Sis. Sis was okay until she started power drinking. Since I'm a daily alcoholic (hubby and I have upgraded to a 30 pack a day instead of the 12. . . too many fights were breaking out) I have no problems with consumption. It's when I mix that I have issues but that's besides the point. Sis started saying things that didn't make sense and she was constantly winking at hubby and blatantly flirting with anything that had a dick between it's legs.

We have a large leather sectional with two recliners built in and a sleeper sofa. As soon sis got there, she was almost sitting on top of hubby. I didn't say anything and let it ride. Hubby mentioned it on Sunday and remarked at how repulsed he was. The flirting thing grossed him out. "I don't want that fucking cunt in my house anymore. She's too fucking weird." That was one of many colorful comments by hubby.

Since non smoking sis likes to smoke now, I thought Friday would be a prime time to introduce sis to cigars. Want to act like a big girl then you need to learn how to smoke like one. The next morning, she didn't know she had smoked a cigar with me and denied it. "I would have never done that!" she exclaimed. Guess what bitch, ya did. I even had an extra one that I stuck under her nose and said "Remember that scent?" She remembered it but didn't believe she smoked it. I remember because she tried to ash the damn thing and broke the cherry off and it landed on our new coffee table! Arrrrgh!

Anyway, hubby told her the following day that we need time to ourselves. It was very awkward and uncomfortable but she finally took the hint and left.

"How much nicer could I possibly have been?" Considering the situation, I think he could have been a little more rude.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Some have it way worse than others

Over the weekend I had to work. It's a quarterly thing so I don't mind it. It's easy dough and I get an extra day on my paycheck. I was tooting my way in on Saturday and had the stereo really loud when I noticed my "service engine soon" flashing. Turned down the tunes only to find that my engine was seizing up so I cut over 5 lanes of traffic and put the hazards on. I called my co-worker whom I was to work for and told him not to expect me and that I was sorry. Later I was yelled at (rightfully speaking) by hubby and felt awful all day like a dog that had piddled on the carpet. Saturday night my best friend's husband called and offered one of their vehicles. I was so appreciative and don't think I showed them how much it meant to me that they would help me out like that. She came down on Sunday and we made almost a day of it. It was great.

Today however, my plight pales in comparison to what happened on Saturday. The accountant that we both work with whom has been with the company for 27 years could not make it on Saturday due to her husband HAVING A HEART ATTACK AT AGE 45 AND PASSING AWAY! I know this woman personally and found out this morning that they were not legally married! Awful!

Next I found out from my co-worker that the sale was done and everyone was in the parking lot getting ready to leave when he heard a series of 6 gun shots going off. It was the convenience store across the street with 2 victims involved. My thoughts to this was "what would have happened had they just decided to cross the street and pick our office?" It was really scary to me.

So after hearing every freak thing that happened this weekend, I know that there are others out there that have it way worse than the rest of us.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Cocaine and driving just don't mix. . . .

Look at this. This is such a sad story.

I was almost asleep in bed last night with the news on when I heard a familiar name. I cracked an eye to see the portrait of the wife that belonged to that name. I was fully awake and sitting up when the story was over and on to the next tragedy that was local.

This family was my ex-husband's best friend. Her husband was the best man at our wedding. My daughter knew the oldest one that had died so it was overwhelming for me to put things into perspective. I can't imagine losing not only one but both of my kids.

Part of me wants to print out this story and send it to my mother in law and say "See? Some people have it worse than you and they are handling it much better than you are!" She won't get it though. . . that's the sad part.

I spoke with my grandmother about this story and told her how the wife had asked the husband if he forgave the assailant. I told her I didn't know how they could do it. I would never forgive someone for taking my children's lives no matter if it was on purpose or not.

T-Funk


This is a picture of our wonderful friend T. I was going through some stuff and found a pic of him. T is now dating a woman that is different from the norm that he is usually accustomed to. First of all, she's not in high school or junior high for that matter. She is more of a "woman" so to speak. My best friend and I can't stand her.

T-funk is exactly as his name implies. . . .funky to say the least. Plus he has these freakishly weird feet that could be put at a sideshow's main attraction.

Sorry folks, I had to share what comes out of my neck of the woods and what I associate with.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Being 7

"Why in the hell didn't you turn that in?"
"I don't know."
"Is that the only excuse you have?"
"I guess."

WHAM!

The large hard backed book came smashing down on my head. I was new at this school thing and I had checked out a book at the school's library. I always liked to tell jokes and be the life of the party even at a young age. I picked out a HUGE book about jokes and forgot to return it back to the librarian.

Mom was pissed. . . really pissed.

The blow was so hard that it broke the binding of the book. I started sobbing.

"Maybe that will help you remember to turn it in tomorrow."
"But it's broken."
"Then you better come up with a good excuse. If you would've turned it in on time like you were supposed to, that wouldn't have happened."

She turned and walked down the hall. Halfway down, I was kneeling next to my toybox. I said quietly "You dummy." It sounded like a heard of cattle rampaging back to get me. Before I had a chance to completely turn around, the hand came out like a venomous viper and took what seemed to be the first two layers of skin off of my face. Between my head pounding, my eyes stinging with tears and the heat of the growing handprint on my face was almost unbearable.

Even to this day I can remember how my bedroom was set up, I remember what the book looked like before and after and I remember the glint in my mother's eye.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Last Year's 4th of July

I had never felt such awful, gut wrenching pain in my life. I've given birth to 2 children and going through labor for 18 to 22 hours was a walk in the park compared to this.

Just before our vacation to the lake, I had my tubes tied. Yay! A whole week of screwing without any worries. Until July 3rd.

Hubby and I went to the lake to spend time on our boat and with each other. The lake had a fireworks show on the third so we made our way halfway out to the middle of the lake. I had half a bottle of wine, the show was being wrapped up and we made our way back to the dock where our slip was. We pulled in and tied off the boat. I then started unloading the boat and made my most critical first mistake. I didn't ground myself before jumping from boat to dock. I had both hands full and all of the boats started coming in at once creating an awful wake.

As soon as I jumped, boat went one way and I didn't jump far enough. I landed half on and half off of the dock with the boat swinging back towards me as my body started going in the water. The pain was indescribable. A hand came up from the water and pushed me back up on the dock. It was hubby. He saw what happened and jumped in the water, loosing his keys in the process.

I laid on the dock screaming. I had a death grip on my towels and bottle of empty wine. People came over and asked if I needed help. Duh jack-ass! A woman put a frozen bottle of water on my back and helped me to the truck. I couldn't stand up straight and could barely breath. Hubby was pissed. We had just got down to the lake and I already was screwing up our plans. Our whole week long vacation was ruined. We made it to our cabin and I took a couple of Darvacet. The pills helped me go to sleep but after a couple of hours, I woke up vomiting. I threw up at least 4 times and each time it was excruciating. I hardly got any sleep.

The next morning, I told hubby I needed to go to the emergency room. We drove there and found out that I had 3 broken ribs. They gave me percocet and told me to monitor my breathing so that my lungs wouldn't fill up. They also told me not to bind my ribs and soak in a warm to hot tub of water. Luckily we had a hot tub right outside our cabin and the next day I made my way to the tub. It was 93 degrees. I didn't take any water with me which I should have done. I started to feel funny and climbed out of the tub and sat on the utility box next to it. I woke up looking at a few pairs of sandals laying on my side. Apparently I had passed out and fell off the box. People were asking me where I was staying so that someone could help me. Hubby was summoned and I was forbidden to ever go there again on my own.

We made it through the week and headed back home. When we got there, I sat in our hot tub. Ah it felt great! Except for the now unbearable burning when I peed. I went to the doctor for a second time. The first was when I got back into town and they found out that I had pneumonia. When I went the second time, they found out that I had a bladder infection as well. The pneumonia cleared up and the infection took over. After the bladder infection was cleared up, I had to go back. This time I had a different doctor as I was getting irritated that I was contiually sick. I finally had to go in for a chest x-ray to make sure that I didn't have a collapsed lung. Still had pneumonia, no collapsed lung and oodles and oodles of pills to take. My menu for meds was as follows:
  • 2 percocet in the morning
  • 2 percocet in the afternoon
  • 2 percocet at night
  • 1 antibiotic at night
  • 6 muscle relaxers to go with each dose of percocets
Clearly you can see that my driving abilities would be impared but I became immuned to the side effects of drowsiness. It took a total of 6 weeks for my ribs to heal. We went on a week long trip this past summer at the same time and I told all of my associates "Please pray that I don't break my ribs again this year!"