Here is another bitchy post about the drivers in St. Louis; although, this one happens to be sweet revenge.
I'm driving on a road that has intersection lights every mile to half a mile. I was on my way to work and in a very bitchy mood. Aunt flow came to visit me just as we were coming into the driveway this past Sunday afternoon. Today, unfortunately, was not a good day for a stranger to be inconsiderate in my book.
I was 3 lights away from my intersection to get me onto the main highway that I take to get into work. Low and behold, there is a white blazer and a large red truck side by side. Both roll their windows down, make cute little hand gestures, blah blah blah, blah blah blah. Light turns green and I wait, and wait and wait and wait for the damn fools to realize that green means go. I did not honk at them. I was a patient good little girl for once.
We reach the second light and the same thing happens again. Blah blah blah. This time when the light turned green I LAYYYYYYYYYYYYYD on the horn. Finally the white blazer pulls forward and I am next to the red truck now. It's some old fucking coger who is appalled when I mouth the word "cock-sucker" to him.
By the third light I was pissed beyond all recognition. The white car veers off into the left lane and I make an attempt to move forward into the lane I've been traveling which would put me between both men and put an end to all of this petty, feminine bullshit. All of a sudden said jackass veers back into my lane and we reach the light. They rolled their windows down again and that's when I made a total ass out of myself. I turned my obnoxiously loud stereo down and rolled all my windows down. I then screamed at the top of my lungs "MOVE YOUR COCK SUCKING FAGGOT ASS OUT OF MY MOTHER FUCKING WAY!!!!!!!!" Light turned green and white car got onto the highway and red truck pulled forward away from us.
As we traveled down the ramp I floored it and cut in front of the blazer and made my way to the passing lane. Oh by the way. . . when I passed the blazer, I flipped him off; just made me feel a lot better. The blazer freak was mad at this point and was up my ass and on fire. I threw my seat belt on as all I could see in my rear view mirror was grill and I laid on the break. Nothing. He was ready to run over my car.
Well as fate would have it we were approaching a hill. Low and behold in the lane next to me was a 53 footer (semi) and as most of you know, most semis slow down when going up a hill. I pulled up to the cab of the semi and rolled down my sun roof. I waved and smiled and blew kisses to the driver. The speed limit was 65 to 70mph and I was doing 50. I thought to myself "See? How does it feel when it's blatantly obvious that all you care about is you and nobody else?"
The poor truck driver was confused but seemed happy in a quirky way. The blazer finally got the picture and backed off. I sped away and left a string of cars pissed at the blazer for holding up commute.
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9 comments:
hey now...how does it feel to live in the worst city in the STates?
don't you just hate those surveys??
For some reason I don't believe the survey or feel as though they've been strewed. I work in one of the worst parts of the city (North St. Louis) off of a notorious street that you see on the news every other night but.
The only problems I had was with the military school where the 12 year olds were calling me "cracker". Otherwise what is the advise that people give that I keep reverting back to today is? "I wouldn't let a chick carry a gun who has PMS!"
amen.
i grew up in Wash. D.C. in the early 80s (think: crack, think: Marion Barry).
yea, i got mugged a couple of times at gunpoint, but...it all turned out fine.
just fine.
ironically, i now live in one of the safest, most desirable cities/towns in the States.
What's funny about the whole damn post is that I should have titled it "an ode to road rage". I had a friend of mine that had to go to court for road rage. Some guy pissed him off so much while he drove that he convinced the idiot to pull over on the shoulder. My friend jumped on the hood of his car and put his fist through the wind shield and put his other hand through the side window to get at this guy. He got into BIG trouble with the judge!
I had some people that I thought were my friends when I first left my parents. I'm an epileptic and since my parents were holding my medication hostage, I ended up having a seizure. While I was seizing, my "friends" took my whole paycheck and spent it on a couple sheets of white blotter. They never told me the truth and that was back in the 80's!
You are the angriest chick EVER.
I'm sorry. I hope that doesn't mean you've lost ALL respect for me Cash!
Hey, I'd like to challenge that angriest chick ever title. I haven't spent the last 30+ years making enemies for NOTHING.
Issy, you have my respect and love. Next time we're out we'll have to just beat the crap out of someone to maintain our titles.
Awesome advise Polly. The only thing that calms down when I'm driving is either Percocet or Darvocet. Then I could care a less who is driving at that point!
P3, that's fucking hilarious. you and i need to take a ride sometime. that's the best remedy i've ever heard. fucking A-ha...fabulous.
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