You'll Find Better Love

I was driving to work this morning and the song You'll Find Better Love came on through my Ipod. Hubby had put it on there when I had asked if he would update and put some things on my Ipod. By the way. . . I do NOT care for country music and it isn't just a recent thing either. I never really cared for country so when I found out that Hubby had put this country crap on my Ipod I thought he was doing it just to annoy me.

I listened to the words because I was by myself and had no distractions and started to cry on the way in. I am not taking tranquilizers anymore because I don't want to be dependent on them and I need to deal with things that are real. Hearing these words on this song stirred so many things with me that it made me feel like Hubby was telling me something. I felt like he was telling me to find someone that could love me better than he ever could. . . .that made me cry because it's who's love you accept, not who's is better.

There may be someone out there true. . . .who care's. Let someone else find or deal with them. Right now I'm not ready or willing to share my heart. My heart is with someone else where it's been comfortable for the past 8 years. I left but my heart did not with Hubby. I am not going to look for another "love" right now or for a while just because I know it wouldn't be fair to myself or to that other person. Plus I haven't been alone in a long, long time and I think that being alone isn't such a bad thing. It will give me the time to regroup, find myself again and remember the person that God put on this earth.

Hubby and I always went down to our "special place" to remember why were together. We would have some of the best times of our lives down there. I remember so many times that he would make me laugh, I would make him laugh, we would do stupid stuff, watch the sunset together, I would cook for him, we would eat together and stop and various spots together. Every time we would go we would fall in love all over again with each other. When things got stressful, Hubby would plead like it ached "we really need to get to our place". Before I left he pleaded with me and I didn't listen. All of this is teaching me to listen more, react less and take it all in before decisions are made. Most of all I'm listening to the people that matter most to me in my life no matter how painful they may be to me.

In this song it also talked about not to forget. I can't forget and that's why I hold on to what is dear to me. Like my daughter that I may not visit as often as I should, she is my flesh and blood. I would do anything for her and kick her butt when she needs it. Same with our son which is going to be hard now with having to spend limited time but all of this has made me think and cherish what time I do have all three of them. My heart is now divided into 3 parts - one for each one of my kids and one for Hubby. That's a lot of people and there is no room for anyone else right now.