Hubby is having an awful time. He doesn't know what he wants and is getting pulled in two directions. He loves me but is in love with someone else. He asked me to move back in and I did for a day or two. Today I called the other girl. I did this to see what she's like. I don't like hearing about her, I don't like talking about her. Why? I don't know. Probably because she's the other woman. However, it's not fair. It's not fair for me to judge someone that I don't know which is on my list of things to change.
I called her today and asked her if she could call me back at noon. I'm not sure what I will say but I know it will be nice. I will probably tell her that she doesn't know me and that I don't know her but I would like to try to know her. I will also tell her that Hubby is confused and that it has to do with both of us. What can be done? No one knows except for Hubby. He had told me that this was not my fault and to keep my chin up and have a good day. It's hard. I'll have to go back home, pack my things up again and go up to my MIL's house so that he can have time to think and regroup. I have known him for 8 years, in and out. I usually can look him in the eye and know what's going on with him. I can do that now and all I see is darkness. He woke up this morning and all I saw was anger and sadness. I couldn't understand. I'm a woman and shouldn't want to fix things but this I want so desperately to fix. He is in a lot of pain and I think that some of it has to do with him asking me to come home and not seeing her. I think he misses her.
So here I am again, trudging back up the hill to the house tonight. . . alone, confused, depressed and waiting for some sort of absolution and peace for both of us and for her too. I don't know how she feels but I'm sure it's not comfortable right now. My mother's day is going to be an interesting one for sure. I'm not sure how it will play out.
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