Tonight and the Good Day

Today was a fairly good day for me. I ate quite a bit (at least for me now). I got 3 huge projects completed that I don't have to look at anymore at work.

Tonight is my son's graduation. I am really excited to see him in his little green cap and gown and tassel with Hubby there with the camcorder recording him either freaking out on the stage or acting like a little clown. He did not have a good day at daycare and don't know if it is because he was wound up because of the graduation but I hope that all goes well.

I am having to take this day with a grain of salt and a pinch of pepper. Is it all a dream? Did the night that I had last night for the few hours that I had to spend with Hubby and our talk actually mean anything? To me, yes. For every brief moment that I get to spend with him and my son it does mean something. Walking back up or driving back up the hill to the house is hard but last night I was content somewhat because I got to talk to him and spend some time with my son. For 2 hours I felt like a family again. That is the most pathetic thing to say but it's true. I hope I get more of these chances to have both of us get these feelings but I don't know how he feels, if it's a feeling he likes too or not or if he's just entertaining me for a brief period of time. But for now, I'll take what I am given.

Tonight after graduation I am supposed to come back and have a few drinks and hang out with Hubby, put our son to rest and get ready for soccer tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day too. I just pray that it will be. If not, it can't get much worse than the past month and a half of hell that I've, he and our son has been living through. Change is an ugly thing like time. It's necessary but most people don't like it. There either isn't enough of it or too much of it but either way nobody seems to like it. I know I don't.

If I could go back in time (ugly word) and change (2nd ugly word) what has happened I would because both of those things are what I want more desperately than anything in the world right now.