Tired

I am absolutely exhausted. I had one hell of a day yesterday at work as far as just getting stuff completed was concerned and was glad that I had a lot to do because it made the day go by quick. I ran home to take our son to the library last night for the first time and he had an absolute blast. . . granted, he only lasted for about 20 minutes but for being 5 and it being his first time, I think he did really well.

We got done at the library and came home and Hubby was having a good time at his house with some friends over, playing games drinking and all that. We used to do that together on the weekends and it was fun. . . yes I miss it but I can't do it now. I can't be around something that hurts until I can heal. Occupying my time last night helped me out, kept me busy and gave me time with our son. However. . . .

I GOT 3 HOURS OF FLIPPIN SLEEP

I had so many thoughts going through my head last night. I had work that I was winding down from and knew I had another 50% pile of stuff that I had to do today from yesterday but oh no that's not what was keeping me awake. I had my son snoring and coughing and stealing the covers and taking up the bed but no, that's not what was keeping me awake. It was when we had gotten home from the library and seeing our friends and knowing that our son needed to go to bed to stay on a decent routine and seeing Hubby and wondering if he misses me BECAUSE. . . . .

He told me last night that I looked like I needed a hug which I totally did and it felt so good to have him touch me and care enough to ask. He also said "What's up tits" when I came down the hill last night to pick up clothes for our son and it was a comment that he used to make to me that I haven't heard out of him in a long time; not to mention I liked it because that is who he is to me. He jokes about things like that and those are the things that I used to take literally. With all of this crap that's been going on, there's been no time for loving jokes that he and I used to have with each other (mostly because there's just been too tense feelings going on not to mention feelings for S going on which I'm sure he's beyond confused at this point) only time for hurting each other, trying to figure out where we stand with each other, if there's room for each other and where other people fit into our lives (I don't care for that part. . . like I said before in earlier blogs, I don't like to share but I guess I have to at this point).

I am just so tired. It's strange how when you don't get enough sleep or can't sleep how you tend to think more and for some reason it seems to mean more to you. I wonder if Hubby is getting enough sleep or if this is all behind him. . . .obviously I'm still dealing.