I got there and he looked good but has lost weight, his face was worn and he just plain looked tired and I don't mean tired from putting in a hard day's worth of work.
He and I went over bills, his situation with S and her daughter and I just pretty much listened when it came to that. He knows he's not happy. He said he's happy with her and I told him that there's a difference with being happy with "how" someone is with you vs. being happy together as a couple. He agreed. . . .big difference. He and I have always complimented each other even to this day:
- I'm small, he's big
- I'm dark haired, he's blond
- He knows about cars and I don't
- I know about gardening and he doesn't
- He teaches me about his job
- I try to teach him about mine
- He teaches me about the boat
- I have green eyes
- He has blue eyes
- He is kind
- I am vicious
- He let's go of grudges
- I hold on to grudges depending on how deep they run
- I have a good sense of character
- Hubby be friend's just about everyone
- Hubby has lots of friends
- I do not
Now for things that set us back:
- We both have bad tempers
- We both find fault with the other
- Both critical
- We both have a hard time letting things go
- We both are set in our ways
- When we are angry with each other we take it out on each other and push each others buttons because we know what they are just to hurt the other person
Now how do we change to make things work:
- Listen
- Not be so literal and take things so seriously
- Communicate more
- Tell each other "why are you here with me?" It should be pretty obvious
- Know that when an argument starts that it shouldn't be that bad to begin with and is it really THAT worth it especially after ALL of this?????
- Both be happier with not just each other but the people that we are around each day including complete strangers
Our list of compliments is a lot longer than the bad stuff and what needs to be fixed isn't that much either. They are all just hard things. That's if any of this gets to that point.
I slept the best that I've slept in so long last night. Our son was skipping around the house and making all kinds of goofy noises. He saw Hubby and I kiss and hug and had to pull me away a couple of times because he said it was time to go. He also was picked up by his daddy and all three of us hugged like we used to. Our son kissed both of us on the cheek and it felt so awesome to have all three of us holding each other. . . our little family.
I know that if things work out that I have a lot of things that I have to change and a long road ahead of me but I am damn sure that I can do it. Now it's a matter of whether or not Hubby will give me the chance to show him that I can do these things.
He made my toes curl last night and I remembered, he looked at me in that way that he used and my panties got wet, he stood behind me to crack my back and lightly kissed my neck and my heart began to skip a few beats, he blurted out that he missed me so fucking much and I about cried. Thanks mom for reminding me how important, powerful and exhausting love can be. I love you both.
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