Last night I talked with Hubby when I got off of work about what had happened on Sunday a little bit. I remembered my post about clarity and made sure that everything that I wanted to tell him was very clear. As much as I wanted to tell him "I can't wait to start over again and please take me back because I love you more than sliced bread" I had to remember my sanity and how I lost it on Sunday.
I told him that I thought what had happened on Sunday had to do with the medication that I had been prescribed. He agreed. That was a HUGE weight that was lifted off of my shoulders. I thought all week that he was taking it personally what had happened and it was like forgiveness for me to hear him agree with me. I also told him that as much as I love him and want things to work out, for my own sanity, I can't do that with another individual hanging around. He had said that he was waiting for me to say one phrase - Everything is going to be okay. I felt for him because I know that feeling and I also know that he'd scared right now. I know he is worried that I'm going to book, things won't be the same with us, things won't work out, I don't love him, etc. These are all "what-if's" that if you dwell on them too long they will drive you absolutely mad. I did that for a while with us just recently trying to answer my own questions and I never got the answers.
Hubby told me that he loves me and always will and is completely lost without me. He told me that he didn't think things would work with him and S but needed to get some things out of the way and that she has way too many issues and drama for his liking. I told him to do what he needed to do and that he knew where I was and what I wanted. When that time came to let me know but until then, I had to keep my distance just for my own sanity. The strangest thing about all of this is for the longest time, I had such a dislike for this woman and after talking to him last night I really could care a less about what happens to her or where she goes or what she does. It just doesn't really bother me anymore I think mostly because I know deep down in my heart how he feels. We both agreed that he, I and our son is our life. . . . nothing more and that it has all been ripped apart and will take a while to piece back together.
All of this will take time. . . .the one thing that I just love so much but right now that's the one thing I have working in my favor. Today has been another good day so far! Maybe he and I will do some more talking tonight. . . .
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