Over the weekend my best friend and I rented a '06 Charger and took my 15 year old to her first formal. . . Homecoming. Her date was a doll. Not your typical clean cut jock. No my kid takes after her aunt's heart. B told me in the car that he was the type she would have gone after when she was in high school. I just wanted the kid to like me.
Well as fate would have it with being nervous and all, I made some of the most inappropriate comments known to man. For example, when we picked the date up, he introduced us to his "animals" which consisted of one very old poodle and an old cat as well. When I saw the cat, my dumb ass makes the comment of "oh! That looks just like the dead one that I saw in the road this past week!" Good grief! Was that uncomfortable! Everyone got quiet and I didn't know what to say. Way to start off on the right foot you idiot! Well as the night went on, I made another social faux pau. I had to start talking about my neighbor that was murdered years ago. Thank God that my friend kept me in check or else there's no telling what else would have come from my awful mouth!
We dropped the kids off at Red Lobster and then got lost. Went shopping then went on to get some much needed cocktails. We were at the bar when more homecoming guests left the restaurant we were at. One girl in particular struck BOTH of our attention. She was "thick" or as most would put it, extremely plump. She had on a black top that was short sleeved and it had every sequin known to man. The skirt was a chiffon material that was cocktail length and had a hankerchief hem. Skirt would have been fine but I think she had it twisted wrong. The sides were long and short in the front and back. We both couldn't help it. This outfit was all wrong. And don't get me started on those poor heels she was wearing! They were screaming "help me!"
Later we picked them up and dropped them off at the dance. Mind you, I was having such a fabulous time driving around in a car that is a definite attention getter and having a best friend that is a looker makes even more fun that it sounds. The car was absolutely beautiful. I am definitely getting one even if it kills me.
After going to another restaurant (we had 3 hours to kill) we picked them up at the dance and drove the date home. I turned the lights off and waited trying not to sneak a peek at my little girl growing up. A few moments later she bounded into the car and exclaimed "God mom, you could have drove around the block or something!" Even after all my efforts to be a hip mom to my daughter, I still haven't figured out what to do!
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2 comments:
Gawd, you just ruined her life! I don't think she was too upset, you saw the permanent smile she wore for the rest of the night. I don't think you were too embarassing, aside from, you know, just existing. Just remember, Jesus thinks we're gorgeous!
Damn straight! And I have the giant pixie stix to prove it!
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