AVOID ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!! If you have to visit St. Louis, fly to all of your destinations. Don't take matters into your own hands, or even worse, call a cab. Let's face it, St. Louis drivers are the worst! We don't pay attention, our cars didn't come with ANY type of signal apparatus except the use of the driver's middle finger, we run people off the road, we drive too fast and half the time we are doing 5 other things in the care BESIDES drive. How hard is it to put at least one hand on the round thing in front of you and use the gas (on the far right) and the brake (to the left of said gas pedal) and God forbid you have a stick!
My commute this morning:
7:20a - Driving down a country highway to take my kid to daycare. Two very spacious lanes, speed limit is 65. I am unfortunately behind an SUV (huge pet peeve of mine as I have a car that sits low to the ground and like to see what's coming next) All of a sudden, SUV locks up the brakes and swerves! Is there a person in the road? Is there metal in the road that could cause a flat and cause a serious accident? No. There's a dead cat in the road! Was the dumb bitch trying NOT to kill it a second time? I'm sorry but a dead cat is not worth causing thousands of dollars worth of damage to my already crappy vehicle not to mention, causing bodily harm to myself and my child.
7:45 - On my way to work with 5 to 6 lanes of traffic. A gold Intrepid is in front of me and wobbling in the lane like a drunkard. It's 7:45 in the morning! Too early for that crap! What is she doing? Brushing her hair! Next thing I know, she wants to change lanes. . .no blinker, just a casual careening over into the lane. Why? Said rag is on the phone. By now I am pissed because why do I have to watch out for somebody who didn't allow enough time to get ready and take care of their business before they left the house? I thought to myself "the only thing this bitch hasn't done is put on make-up". I should have shut my mouth. She was behind me when I reached the heart of downtown. Now at this point of the commute, you have to really pay attention because the highway forks off into 3 different directions and us St. Louis freaks can't make up our minds as to where we would like to go. So my lane of traffic is slowing down to a stop and what do you know? Said dumb ass eats half of her lipstick because she wasn't paying attention to the stopped cars in front of her! Now that was worth it in itself after all of the hell I had to go through on my drive. God did she look garish with a big old red streak running jaggedly up the right side of her cheek almost into her eye! God how funny!
Luckily I made it 10 minutes late but God I would have loved to have been an hour late if that bitch would have hit me! Everyone that knows me knows that I need a new car!
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2 comments:
Ha! I love getting in front of make-up users and slamming on the brakes. I usually try and wait until they are putting on mascara, though. Ugly AND blind!
The mascara thing is an awesome, evil trick. Not only do they end up looking like a raccoon that got into a really BAD fight but they go temporarily blind and low and behold, lesson learned.
Now mind you I am not the best of drivers either. Just ask Barbarian. She and I have had quite the adventure. But I agree with you Polly on the red light. The dumb broad that was doing the make-up thing was on a major interstate highway! No redlights! I think the only thing I duped was a pint of soured milk but that was out my window at some prick who was throwing shit at my car! I told you we were insane drivers!
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