Missing the Boat

Some days I feel like I'm a day late and a dollar short. More recently I have felt that way. If only I had gotten there quicker or done it faster or thought of it first then maybe I would be on top.

The current situation that I am in I am fighting for my family and the love that will make me whole. Fighting? Yes. I am having to fight against something that is younger than I am and quicker than I am in getting to him. Allowing me the time to be able to prove and show and spend quality time together so that we can rekindle what we had is so hard right now. Every minute that I get to spend with him is so important to me. You don't realize what is gone until it's no longer there. I litterally feel like I'm in the middle of a romantic reality TV show and I'm one of those obnoxious girls that is going to get kicked of in the next episode.

I found out a few things. I found out that Hubby took this girl, our son and her daughter out to have ice cream one night. As silly as it sounds, it hurt me deeply because I wanted to go do that with him as a family and for 5 years we had the chance to do that and never did. I felt cheated and slighted. Also, 4th of July was a holiday that he and I would go and spend time remembering why we were together. We would go out of town for about a week and play, have fun and enjoy each other. Once again, someone else has beat me to the punch and he may be going to a different state all together. I found out yesterday that Hubby and the girl went to lunch. There have been plenty of times when our relationship has been on the rocks and I asked him to come up to lunch and he didn't. Why? All I wanted to do was spend time with him for a little while in our busy day.

This whole thing is like fishing and throwing a line and not catching a break to save my life. Yes, yes, yes, this is all my fault. Point taken. I want to plan a trip with my check that I will be getting from the government with him just the two of us to get away. I don't care when and I don't care where. . . although the sooner the better and I think I know where I want to go. I want to remember why we loved each other for 8 years. What else is there to do except be ther and lend a listening ear?