I got in touch with a high school friend of mine that I haven't talked to in almost 10 years. It was great talking with him after all of this time. We caught up with what each of us are doing now. We reminisced about things that happened at school and what we had done from that point on to get us where we are today.
He told me how he was so glad to see me doing well for myself. He also told me that he remembered that I had a tongue like a serpent and an attitude to match. . . . a very deadly serpent. I have lost sight of that over the years. I have called it "mellowing in my old age". Finding someone that I haven't seen for over 10 years is an important lesson to me. Back in the day, I was extremely mean. I had no problems telling anyone what their shortcomings were. I figured that if I beat them to the punch that I would be less likely to get hurt. I always had the philosophy that EVERYONE was out there to hurt me.
This guy told me that I had to be like that because of all of the trials and tribulations that I encountered early on in life. I experienced more in the first 16 years of my life than most people encounter in a lifetime. I never realized that I behaved and acted the way that I did because I was trying to protect myself. The great thing about being older now is that I can weigh out the good with the bad with the ugly. I don't have to show my ass like I used to years ago. Now, if I'm having a bad day, I can act like a bitch and not think twice about it. But if I'm having a good day, it feels good not to have to be bad. Before, if I had a good day, I didn't know how to be nice or pleasant. It was miserable. I literally woke up one morning and said to myself "God, how do I stop being such a bitch? I just can't stand being miserable anymore".
It took years for me to understand all of that. It took so long for me to know how to CHOOSE that I can't remember when I actually "morphed" into something that I actually like to look at in the mirror every day. Although at times it does bother me that I am not as self righteous as I used to be. I used to take a lot of pride in being witty and sly. I used to love that fact that I could cut any man down to a splinter with just one line. Now I find myself asking "Oh no! What would they think if I said that?" Who fucking cares! I never gave myself enough time to ask that question back in the day! I just said the first thing that came out of my mouth and by then it was too late.
Getting older has it's advantages. . . . it's taught me to make educated choices. Have a great weekend all!
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3 comments:
We are like wine, dear, we get better with age. Man, that is so overused.
Here we go:
And like a pile of poop, we may dry out and look harmless but if you get too close you'll soon be smeared with shit.
Yeah, much better.
Yeah, I was about to call bullshit on that 'we get better with age' business myself.
Of course, men do. But you're not men.
On the outside, anyway.
Educated choices always trump impulsive cockups anytime. Good to see that your vintage is proving its worth, Issy.
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