Relighting the Flame

I am all packed and at work with nothing to do and antsy as hell. Hubby and I spent another night together last night and I got another good night's sleep.

We sat outside last night and talked. He told me that I am on trail basically and that he has an empty heart to me right now and to me it's basically up to me to fill it up again. I told him that this weekend to me it's going to be like falling in love all over again for the first time. He told me that he is looking for that certain something that will make him forget about S. He told me that I am absolutely smokin hot and fun to be with but it's the love thing because I left and he feels like I left because I didn't have any love for him anymore. No matter what or how I tell him that's his feeling and I have to prove to him that's not the case.

Love is a very complex thing that can be built over time. Love at first sight can be torn down as quickly as it's picked up whatever the circumstances may be. However, love that has been built over the course of many years is hard to break and once it is, it is a bitch to overcome. I am proud of Hubby for wanting to find that love that I have for him. I may have it for him but he has to find it for me because of how much I've hurt him. He's done so much for me and helped me so much in so many ways.

This weekend is more than just wearing my new bikini, driving in a new truck and being on a boat away from everything. This weekend has a lot of meaning to me. I will be recording everything mentally like a sponge. Remembering why I left not only what's back home but when we go on trips together and mostly him.

Last night we were in bed and I was behind him talking to my mom. Every night he prays. . . believe me, I've interrupted him before and didn't know it so I think he was praying while I was talking to my mom. I asked her to help once again to find love in his heart for me that's there. It felt good and sent goosebumps up and down my arms when I was done talking to her because he popped his knuckles and stretched. . . I think he was done too. I don't know if my mom talks to him in his sleep or if he knows that I am begging with her to help with all of this but this weekend is something that I am taking very seriously. My family needs us, he needs his family and most of all he needs peace. I have such a huge smile on my face right now and sense of contentment. I think things will work out and I love my Hubby.